See what we got here. So we have a question here from Alexis. Sort of similar to a question we did earlier, so we can come at it from a different angle. Alexis says, how would you apply the concepts of Deep Ork to one's kids? So she says, I'm a parent and have noticed that electronics generally reduce our daughter's attention span.

As such, we ban video games and social media, but we do let her do protective activities on electronics. Mostly we require reading. She gets to do TV, movies, has earned time for piano school, et cetera. What would you do? Our daughter is 14 now. I mean, I think that's fine.

So 14-year-olds are not going to be fantastic at focus. It's a practiced art, and their brains are scattered. So yes, avoid, as I talked about earlier in the show, avoid online video games, avoid social media for kids. And by kids, I mean even adolescents. That's going to be poison.

I don't really mind TV. I don't mind your shows you watch. You obviously do the same advice we learned in the 1980s, have some control over it. So you can't just use the TV all the time. But I'm not one of these strict screen time zealots where my 14-year-old gets to watch one minute of TV.

I think some of that's more about the parents wanting to feel like they're optimizing parenting, that it is going to make some big difference for the kid. And it makes the kids kind of weird. So I don't worry about that too much. And then separately, you need to sort of introduce the notion that concentration on hard things is an important, respectable, really useful skill.

You can talk about this. There's examples of this. We're watching the Olympics. We're looking at this artist. We went to this movie. This type of stuff that's really inspiring. How do you do that? You focus really hard on things. You're willing to do it even when it's hard. You push yourself.

There's grace in that. There's something really deeply human in that. You demonstrate it. If you're walking around your house as a parent with your phone, looking on your phone all the time, doing all these text message threads, it doesn't matter what you say. They see it. Like, no, no, this is what life should be.

So keep the phone in the foyer. Don't carry it with you throughout their house. Let them see in your life, hey, I prioritize other things. I'm not constantly distracted. And then you can literally just give them structure so they can practice it. All right, so you have some homework.

Let's think through how we want to do this. Let's schedule it on the calendar. We have set times we do it. Let's push ourselves, take a break. How do you organize your thoughts? You can literally work with and practice and help kids get more comfortable with this. I talked with my nine-year-old about this with math.

Really walking him through, what are you doing in your head when you're trying to solve a hard math problem? Because we don't tell kids this, and they don't know. Like, I don't know. I just kind of hope it comes to me or something. Really walking him through. Like, your paper is an extension of your working memory, and it's a strategy.

And then you're recording your work. And then this is when you concentrate, is at very set leaps. Like, it's not just random. It's not just you thinking and hoping something comes from it. So then you can practice. Practice structured thinking. So do those three things. Get rid of the poison, which is the online video games and the social media.

Demonstrate that you prioritize depth. Talk about depth and concentration and how it's the key to a life well-lived. And then actually literally help them practice. And then don't expect your 14-year-old to be Richard Feynman. It's a 14-year-old brain, not a 34-year-old brain, not a 44-year-old brain that's been doing this for a long time.

So then have some flexibility on your expectations there. Kids are kids. They don't need to be-- you don't necessarily want them to be super locked in. That's actually something I talk about a lot. I think-- and we've talked about this on the show before. You know, careful what you wish for.

You get this around here in these competitive areas, like the Washington, DC area, this sort of underlying dream of like, man, I kind of wish my kid was a prodigy, like just awesome at math or something. And just, you know-- because you get as a parent these victory points, these victories of like, they're the best, and they're moving up, and you somehow vicariously take these victories.

And all I'm saying is be careful what you wish for. Rarely the foundation of a good, meaningful, deep life if you're too good at something like that early on. Be that physical or intellectual. Careful what you wish for. Find things you can do in your own life to feel good about yourself, not what did my kid do?

Because you didn't do that anyway, so you shouldn't feel good about that anyways. (upbeat music)