This is one of my favorite models for relationships. When someone comes to you with a problem, you ask, "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?" And it immediately cuts through the noise on that exact problem that you're identifying. My natural bias is as a fixer. Like, when my wife would come to me with a problem early in our relationship, I would be, like, trying to think, "Okay, well, you could have done this differently.

You could have done that." And she would go nuts. And it took me years to realize all she wanted was to be listened to. She wanted to be heard. And then maybe she wanted to be hugged because her love language is touch. So, all I really needed to do in those moments was listen to her, hear her, and then give her a hug.

But here I was spending all my time spinning my wheels trying to fix whatever the problem was. And so, it actually is, like, a really healthy way to identify what the other person needs from you in that moment. It's really, really helpful. Helped, heard, or hugged.