"Can I forgive someone who does not confess to wronging me?" It's a question from Jason who writes, "Pastor John, hello. As you know in Matthew 18, the parable of the unforgiving servant ends with a dire warning to those who don't forgive. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." That's Matthew 18, 35.

In anger, his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debts. That's Matthew 18, 34. I have a lot of questions about this passage, but the main two are one, can I biblically forgive someone if they don't ask to be forgiven? Or can I just be disposed or willing to forgive them if and when they ask?

What if I or they die before I can forgive them? And the second question is, can I biblically forgive someone if they think they've done nothing wrong to me? Pastor John, what would you say to Jason? Right. So I hear at least three questions. Can we forgive a person who doesn't think they've done wrong and we think they have?

That's really relevant to marriage, by the way. I think that happens a lot in marriage. Another one that he asks, it seems, is if they don't ask for forgiveness, can forgiveness proceed? And then lastly, what if I die before I forgive them or they ask? So let's start with Jesus teaching about forgiveness, because it really is as important as Jason shows it to be.

Here's what Jesus says. He says to pray like this, "Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors." And then he unpacks it. That's Matthew 6, verse 12, I think. And then he unpacks it in verse 14, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." That's huge. And then Jesus puts it in a parable, which is what our friend is referring to in Matthew 18. Peter had just asked the Lord, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him?

As many as seven times?" And Jesus said to him, "I do not say seven times, but seventy-seven times," or seven times seventy. Some translations have it. Anyway, lots and lots and lots of times. Then comes the parable, and a king forgives a debtor who owes him a million, million dollars.

It's just an off-the-charts number. And then he goes out and strangles a friend who owes him ten dollars. In other words, being forgiven has had zero transforming effect on this servant. He's as selfish as ever. And the king hears about it, and that's where we pick it up. Then his master summoned him and said to him, "You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me, and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you?" And in anger, his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debt.

So also, my Heavenly Father will do to every one of you, you'll get thrown into prison if you do not forgive your brother from the heart. And then James says the same thing, basically, in James 2.13 where he writes, "For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy." Mercy triumphs over judgment.

That means my mercy towards you, Tony, will be a triumphant influence at the judgment day. Which is what Jesus said in Matthew 5, 7, "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy." If you're a merciless person, you meet a merciless God. So from all this, we are sobered to realize that no one is a true Christian.

No one is born again and destined for heaven who is an ungrateful, unforgiving person. Jesus would say, "You cannot genuinely receive my forgiveness and remain unforgiving. You can't." Now Jason's question is—and they're clearly important, it's a matter of life and death. First, what if I die—let's take them in that order—what if I die before I forgive my adversary?

Now the answer to that hangs on the way you see your forgiveness functioning—that is, your forgiving others—functioning in your final salvation. If you think that God looks at each deed of your forgiving and repays it with salvation, and if it's missing when you die, you would lose your salvation.

That's the way you conceive about it. But if you think that the deed of your forgiving is one of the fruits of your union with Christ, then if one of your fruits had not yet ripened into an act of forgiving, it would not necessarily prove that you're not united to Christ for two reasons.

First, because there are other fruits to show the reality of your union with Christ, and second, because the Lord himself could see—he could see the seed of your act, even if you did not have time for the seed of forgiveness to grow into the deed of forgiving. So that is, in fact, I think, how it works.

That's the way the final experience of salvation relates to our being forgiving people. Salvation is not payback for good works. The good works are the fruit of union with Christ, who is the all-sufficient ground of our acceptance with God, so one good deed left undone is not a proof of our lostness.

It will be covered by the blood of Jesus because of our union with him through faith. And all of our other acts of forgiveness in our life are testifying to that reality, that we've believed on him and his blood is covering us. Which brings us now to Jason's other question.

Can we forgive a person who doesn't think he's done wrong, and we think he has, or if he doesn't ask for any forgiveness? And the answer is, we can. And we must. We must do our part in the forgiveness. This is what Jesus meant, I think, when he said, "Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you," Luke 6:27.

They are still our enemies when we do that. They have not asked for any forgiveness, and they don't think they need any. They're making life miserable for us, and they think they ought to. We are to bless them, and that blessing means that our part of the inward forgiveness has happened.

The opposite of forgiveness is holding a grudge, but blessing is the opposite of holding a grudge, and so blessing is a kind of forgiving. It is true, and I suppose this is what he's thinking, it is true that the full effect of forgiveness can only happen if the other person believes they need it and want it.

That's why it's so frustrating when you want to forgive somebody and they don't think they need any forgiveness. But we do not wait for that, right? We don't wait for them to do their half before we do our half. We must be rid of bitterness and grudges right away.

We do what Jesus did on the cross. And 1 Peter described so powerfully, 1 Peter 2.23, "When he was reviled," so this is like he's setting an example for us, "when he was reviled, he did not revile in return, and when he suffered, he did not threaten." In fact, he prayed for their forgiveness.

But here's what it says, "But he continued entrusting himself to the one who judges justly." We must renounce revenge and trust our cause to God and then return good for evil. That's our part of forgiveness, and we can do it whether the adversary admits wrong or not. One great miracle has already happened in us, and we're not responsible for the other miracle of repentance in them.

Yeah, may that miracle of humble repentance and confession become more and more real in our lives and marriages. Thank you, Pastor John. Well, if you cannot get enough of the Ask Pastor John podcast, and let's be honest, who can get enough of the Ask Pastor John podcast, you can join our many listeners by subscribing to our audio feeds.

We release episodes three times a week, and you can search our nearly 1,050 episodes in our swelling archive. And of course, you can reach us by email with a question of your own. Where can you do all of these things? I'm glad you asked. You can go to our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn. Well, what's the difference between foolishness and sinfulness? And is there a distinction between them in Scripture? That's on the docket on Friday. I'm your host, Tony Reinke. Thanks for listening to the podcast. We'll see you then. Bye.