- Hello everybody, it's Sam and Sydney from the Financial Samurai Podcast. And in this episode, we wanna do a catch up because Sydney, you're back from almost a week in Tokyo, Japan. The children and I missed you and we wanted to hear how your trip went and also some realizations that I had about basically being a single dad for almost a week.

So how was your trip? - It was good, it was very productive. This wasn't like a vacation, just to clarify that I had to accompany my mother, who's in her late 70s, to take care of some family matters. And I left the US on Monday, which means I didn't get to my hotel until Tuesday night in Japan.

And then was busy doing things Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then left Japan Saturday morning and then got back here Saturday morning with a time difference. So overall, it was a busy but productive trip and it went well. I missed you guys too. It was hard to be away, but everything worked out pretty well.

- Yeah, it sounded really productive because for the couple months leading up to this trip, you seemed more stressed than usual, especially since you lost your passport and you had to go through the whole debacle to get it. I mean, it was like mission impossible. - It's been a rough six months.

I don't know, for those of you out there who have elderly parents whom you have to take care of, I know how hard it is. I don't even live with my mom. She lives across the country, but still, even having to help her through so many things from a distance is hard enough.

So it was a quite stressful six months and I feel a lot more at peace and content about things having gotten through this trip. There's still a lot more that we still have to do, but things are in much better shape than they were, so that's great. - And she's in professional hands with the lawyers in Japan to manage the estate for her sister, so that's good, that's important.

Managing the estate for our loved ones is very difficult, even while they're living, and so I think this is a good opportunity to remind everyone to put together that death file, sad to say, but it has information on usernames, passwords, where to find the extra set of keys, and all these things that your loved ones need to know about if they're gonna handle your estate.

Consider putting together a revocable living trust to avoid probate, and talk to an estate planning lawyer. These are professionals who are gonna help you in a really difficult time. And don't be surprised if you have elderly parents that it could take a very long time, at least with my parents, there's still so much of their own death files that I've requested that they still haven't done.

I've tried all kinds of things to not bribe them, but essentially motivate them to get them done, and it's like pulling teeth, they just don't wanna do it. And I understand it's not something pleasant to do, but even as important as it is, it can take a very long time, and it takes a lot of patience on our part to help them along and get them to work on it.

It's not easy. - And if you're a parent, I think we should all take the responsibility to work on these files, and get our estate clearly organized, and who to contact if something were to happen. Because this is a gift of love to our beneficiaries, our children, our relatives, our loved ones.

Sydney and I, we spent the pandemic getting new term life insurance policies, 20-year term policies, matching policies with the same amount of death benefits. And we also spend time putting together our respective death files. And so we should be set, and this is because we're thinking about our kids, and just in case something happens.

So in terms of Japan, how was Japan? Was it busy, hot? Was it back to normal, international travel post-pandemic? - Yeah, I hadn't been back in more than 10 years, I think. And normally July is hot, but not as crazy hot as August. But this year the heat came early.

So it was about 98, 99 degrees every day I was there, and humid. In the evenings you'd get a little bit of breeze, which would help cool things down. But walking with my mom at a slow pace due to her age, and using a cane in the summer heat there was tough.

So while I was with her, I had to stay very patient, and I tried to keep her indoors as much as possible. And then I had to do a lot of things independently from her to keep her out of the heat. So coming from San Francisco, it was quite a shock to have such an extreme change in temperature 'cause San Francisco summers are very mild and actually quite cold.

And in terms of busyness, Tokyo is as busy, it felt as busy as it ever was. People are out using the trains, the buses, going to work, out and about, it felt normal. It didn't feel unusually slow or anything like that. So it was good to be back, but also I'm happy to be home again.

- Would you ever wanna live in Tokyo? Like let's say when our daughter turns five or older, you know, we had the opportunity to slow travel for months on end, maybe years on end, what do you think about sending them to international school in Tokyo? - I would not want to live there.

It's fun to visit and have a vacation there, especially if you can go off peak when the weather is better and there's less people. Japan can get very, very crowded. And it's just not the type of lifestyle that I want. I like slower pace, I like less people. And Tokyo is just, it's a place where you have to go through really long commutes.

For example, I saw my friend who I've known since kindergarten, she moved back to Japan a couple of years ago and her daughter has to commute an hour to school one way. Granted, she is going to an international school, which is going to be farther away. She's eight years old and she does this all by herself.

One hour to school every day all by herself. - Well, that's actually good. Well, toughens her up. - Yes. You know, if she was going to a local Japanese school, she wouldn't have to travel so far. But you know, if we were going to do the international school thing, it would be a lot of commuting.

- Well, not if we lived close to the international school. - Well, yes, but there's all kinds of pros and cons and whatnot that we probably don't have time to get into today. But it's not the type of lifestyle that I would want for our family. - Interesting. One of the things, I lived in Kobe, Osaka, Kobe, when I was six years old for a couple years.

And I loved my time there. The food is amazing, the adventure was amazing. But I don't know if it's because I was six, seven years old, which is why the world was amazing. But when I went back to Tokyo, this was during college years, and see some of my friends, I thought it was expensive.

However, now, as income earning adults with net worth, versus being a student having nothing, it doesn't seem that expensive now. Did you feel that Tokyo was expensive or inexpensive when you went back? - I mean, I don't know anything about the current cost of living expenses there. In terms of food, which is what I had the most exposure to, food is reasonable.

Again, the friend that I met with said they spend less money on food than they did when they were living in LA. And not only do they save money, the quality of the food is better. - Yeah. - Which is true. - The food is so good. - The food in Japan is very good.

Even little small places that you'll find in the alleyways and whatnot, it's very good. And even their produce, I find, is much fresher, much tastier than in the US. Very good produce in Japan. - Like the kyoho grapes and the pears and the peaches and nectarines, and the yakiniku, oh my goodness.

What was interesting, you got me a shirt from the airport with Mount Fuji on it. I was like, oh, thank you for the shirt. And it said 1,500 yen, and I think the exchange rate is like 135 to one. - Well, when I left, it was about 140. When I was going there as a kid, it was about one to 100.

So it's much better now in terms of how far you can stretch a US dollar. - Right, right, yeah, so 1,500 yen, I was like, oh, that's like 11 bucks. That's so cheap for a T-shirt, 'cause here in the States, the cheapest T-shirt would be like 20 bucks. Maybe $25.

- In a lot of places, yeah, in a lot of places. - Was everything digital, or did you still use the hyaku-yen coins for the train and all that? - I used some cash and coins for little things, but I really didn't need cash. I got a mobile transit card before I left the US, and I used that every time I went in and out of the train stations.

It automatically calculates the cost of your trip and any transfers that you take. Super easy, very, very efficient, very technology-forward country. So it's great to be able to get around very easily. The public transportation system in Japan is phenomenal. Very accurate in terms of timeliness, very clean, very reliable.

- Yeah, and this Pass, do you just download it on Apple or something? How does that work? - Yeah, well, the one that I used is called a Suica, S-U-I-C-A, a Suica card. They also have Passmo is another very popular one. And I just got mine hooked up through Apple Pay and through the Apple Wallet system.

The only catch was I had to use a MasterCard for some reason. Visa doesn't work very well, at least US-based cards. Amex, US Amex also works, so that's what my sister had to use. Little tiny things like that, but it was very easy, and you just basically top up your card through Apple Wallet when your balance starts to run low.

- This is an app on your phone, not a card card? - Well, it's basically like a mobile transit card. You can get a physical card as well if you go to the airport or a train station. - So it's like an app? - Essentially, yeah, it's like a digital card that you use through your Apple Wallet.

- Got it, got it. Okay, so it sounds like the whole trip was a success. Very productive, do you feel less stressed now that you're home? - I do feel less stressed, and I'm just trying to, tether my mom, I don't know if that's the right word, but basically just remind her how much we did accomplish, and the rest will just be sorted out over time.

- Got it, got it. Are there any things you learned about yourself that you didn't really realize from this trip? Because I have a lot of things to share about myself. - I didn't have any huge epiphanies. I mean, it was a nice reminder how easy it is to travel independently or without children.

And I felt very safe traveling through the airports and the airplanes in terms of COVID. I didn't have any fears of getting sick, or everything felt like it was pre-pandemic, which was a nice experience to kind of have that out of the way. And yeah, traveling by myself was quite easy.

- Yeah, I bet it was. You don't have to pack too much. - Exactly, I just had a backpack and a carry-on, that's all I had, it was very easy. - Yeah. Well, I wanted to share some of my perspective from you being away, because I was at home with two children, we had some help at night and in the morning sometimes.

But I wanted to share some perspectives for those who kind of fear being alone, raising your children without a significant other there. Because you have, I don't think, except for the birth of our daughter, you haven't been away from any child, actually, since you were giving birth, you haven't been away from any child for six years and six and a half years.

- Yeah, exactly. So they've been used to me being there all the time. So this was, we were both a little nervous about how they would react. Our son handled it super well. He has been like, bye mommy, see you later, I'm gonna go play. It was harder for our daughter, she's still very attached.

But I think overall she handled it well. - She did, yeah, not bad. So I wanted to say that I was a little bit afraid, I guess, how things would go with just me. But I'm pleased to say that after five nights and six days, things went smoothly. And I think it went a little bit better than expected.

And as a result, I have more confidence as a father to take care of the kids by myself and with some help when I need to. And so that was a real big plus, because you really don't know how well you can perform until you're faced with that situation.

So face that fear, do it, and I think you'll gain a lot of confidence. The other thing I learned was that when there's no other option, the work actually gets easier. So when I say no other option, for example, let's say I pick up the kids after school and I play with them for an hour and I'm just tired.

So the option is to say, hey, can you guys go play with mommy? And then they will. And I can just veg out on the phone or write a post or something. And I'm just chill. But when I have no other option, when there's nobody else to take care of them, I can't relax in the sense, but I also can't just slip off my responsibility as someone.

I just have to do it. So when you know that you have to do it, you build this muscle where it gets easier and easier over time. So by the fourth night, fifth night, I was like rocking and rolling. I knew what to do. And I had the confidence and courage to do it.

And so it just kept going. And this is a parallel to how the kids reacted while you were away. Because when they were gone, they were much less whiny, complained much less, and didn't cry as much as all. I think they only cried once when there was some small fight.

- Right, when I was away, they were better behaved. - Right, exactly. They were better behaved. And the epiphany there is, I think they also realized the next day, mommy wasn't coming back until Saturday. And so when they had no other option, they said, well, you know what, there's no point in whining and complaining and fighting for love and intention.

They just got to get on with it, right? And so this is really important, I think, as a lesson for all of us, trying to face challenges and hardships, that when you have no other option, it's just that one choice, actually embrace it. Because the only thing you can do is go forward.

There's no distractions, you know? There's no 10 opportunity choices that's gonna cause you to think and wonder, should I do this or that? You just have to do one thing. And I think that's really relieving. Now, what do you think? - Yeah, I can see that. I had a prediction that with me away, they would be a lot better behaved, there wouldn't be so many fights and crying and screaming, and that I also predicted that the day I would get back, all hell would break loose, and the whole week's worth of pent up emotions in their little bodies would just kinda let loose and explode, and that is actually what happened, which is pretty funny.

I remember texting you. - With our daughter, right? - I remember texting you, the screaming has started, like when they were with me, they just started attacking each other. But again, this doesn't happen all the time. Things were much better the second day that I was back. But yeah, they tend to be very emotional with me, and less so with you.

But it all works out, it all works out. - Right. (laughing) And here's another epiphany for creators, and actually for all spouses or people in relationships. And so every time I write a post, it takes hour and a half, two and a half hours to write, and after I'm done, I feel very proud.

And especially after I press publish, I'm excited to see what the community will think about the post, whether they'll comment or share or get upset or be really laudatory. It's just the way it is as a writer. As a writer, you just wanna be read, and as, let's say, a podcaster, you wanna be heard, and as a videographer, you wanna be seen.

And so I know that every time I write a post, I text you and I say, oh, I finished this great post on this great topic that came to me. And the reason why I do that is because you're my rock, and you're my cheerleader and support system, and I depend on you for support.

Because when you're putting yourself out there, folks, sometimes you can get attacked, right? And the more opinionated you are, the more you're gonna get attacked. And so this is one of the reasons why you see a lot of vanilla content out there, because people get tired of getting attacked all the time, even though their intentions are good, even though they come up with some reasonable explanations for why they think the way they do.

And so when you were gone, I just didn't seek fulfillment, not fulfillment, approval anymore, because during the day here in San Francisco was nighttime in Tokyo, and vice versa. And so I just sucked it up. I said, well, nobody's here to praise me or anything, or support me, I'm just gonna keep my head down and go, go, go.

And what I realized also is that it is kind of a burden. It's a heavy responsibility for any couple, any person in a relationship, to provide constant support, and you can do it, and encouragement. You know, I think some of us have higher self-esteems than others. Some of us want more encouragement than others.

And I didn't realize how much I had relied on you for support. So first of all, I really appreciate that. After all these years. And second of all, I think I need to look inward more and actually be more quiet, and just write because I wanna write, and actually not bother you so much, because you're always busy doing other things.

- Well, what I will add is that I'm not that great over text, and I'm even worse over email. And a lot of times we're on opposite schedules, right? When you're working, and writing, and doing things. I am with the kids, and so you tend to send these messages over text, and while they're coming in, I'm like, you know, in the bathroom, helping the kids go potty, or making their food.

My mind is very frazzled and distracted, and I'm not as good as I could be in terms of pausing what I'm doing, and looking at those messages, and acknowledging and appreciating everything that you're doing on the other side of the house while I'm doing these things. So I think, I just thought of this right now, I'm much better in person, so we just need to do more of these conversations and catch-ups when we're together in person, and the kids aren't distracting.

'Cause my mind, you know me, my mind gets very frazzled very easily, and I get distracted and lose track of things easily. - It's called the mental load. There's like this great comic strip about this mother doing so much work, and maybe the husband said, can you just do this and that?

And it was just like these little things, they sound little, but when you add them up, the mental load gets huge, and it can overflow and become super burdensome. But yeah, communication is so important in any relationship. I was watching something online, and it was talking about how unsaid expectations are what crush relationships.

So again, unspoken expectations. So first of all, if you expect the world of your partner or someone, that is really dangerous, because if you expect 99% performance, and they give you 98% performance, you will be disappointed in their performance, right? So expectations is one thing, you gotta manage your expectations of what you can expect in terms of support, love, attention, all that stuff from your partner.

And at the same time, you need to speak your expectations, and you can't expect your significant other to read your mind. So-- - Yeah. I think the more we have, more in terms of us and other couples have in-person communication, the better. We all forget how reliant we are on our phones.

And communicating over a text message and emails, it's just really not the same. So much can get lost in the shuffle. Even just text messages. That's why I do like how Apple added the reply feature to their iMessage. 'Cause sometimes you get, well you might get 10 text messages from somebody, and there might be three questions thrown in there.

And if you're trying to reply, you might forget what you're responding to for something earlier. So you can click on, let's say, the first question in a chain of 10, and you can reply to that specific message so that the recipient knows what you're talking about. It's just a little tiny thing.

- Got it. Oh, okay. - But in terms of-- - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Reply to a specific message, yes, yes. - Right, right, right. 'Cause so much gets lost in the shuffle. We're all so busy doing so many things at once. And digital communication is super convenient, but it's also not as great as in-person communication a lot of times.

Or video, you know? - And this is another point. If you do, your example is 10 text messages. So the chances are higher that the other person's gonna miss one or two points. And it's the same thing with crafting an argument. Let's say if you have 10 reasons why, it kinda dilutes the reasoning versus if you had three reasons why you should do this, this, or that.

So that's something to work on. And communication is something that I've been trying to work on as much as possible. It was my favorite class in business school, communications class. And as a writer, and now as a regular podcaster, I'm trying to speak more clearly, deliver more clear, concise prose so that people can understand better because if I'm talking over people, then I'm failing.

So I thought, in conclusion, this was a great conversation to catch up and I'm glad you're back. It seems like it went really quickly. What do you think? - On my side, it did because of the time change getting there, right? I basically lost a day, lost two days almost because I left here midday Monday.

It didn't really get settled until Tuesday evening. So, and then, yeah. And then I was leaving already Saturday morning. So it went fast. - Oh, this is one other thing, another realization of you being gone. 'Cause we're seldom not apart because you're at home, I'm at home, we don't travel.

We're always together. - We work from home too. - So yeah, the biggest, the other cool realization, so I've been a very focused and serious stay-at-home father since 2017, since our son was born. But man, it has been tough being second fiddle since 2017. For, I would say, at least three and a half years, I was second fiddle to our son.

He always would run to you or want you. And same thing with our daughter. I've been, you know, just kinda like chopped liver many times and I've written about that. And so, one of the positives of you being away was that finally, ah, it was me. I was number one.

- You got all the love. - I got all the love. They ran to me, they gave me the hugs, they gave me the kisses, they said, "I love you, Daddy." So that was an amazing, amazing feeling. - Yeah, yeah, it's hard. Kids can be so loving and they can also be so cruel at the same time, you know?

There've been a few occasions when they've rejected me, but definitely not that many. And I know it's been hard on you so many times when all you wanna do is play with them and they're like, "No, I wanna do this with Mommy instead." It's hard to hear that. - It is hard to hear that.

And this is one of the reasons why, folks, that I wanna go back to work once our daughter is in school full-time in the fall of 2023. Because then, once that happens, I've got eight hours of free time, right? And I can't play pickleball and tennis all day. I wanna fulfill my time.

Yes, I can spend time writing a book, recording podcasts, FS, but I do miss that camaraderie with other people. I do miss having a nice, steady paycheck. It'd be nice to have healthcare benefits. It seems like a more efficient path. So many times over the past six and a half years, I've thought about going back to work because it was hard being the second fiddle stay-at-home parent.

It really is hard. So for mothers out there who have fathers who wanna be stay-at-home parents, who are trying, we're trying. And a lot of times, the return, the quote, "return on an effort," isn't there because of the innocent and honest rebuffs of our children. And so, I've got to this point, and we'll see whether I get that job or figure it out.

I mean, what are your thoughts on that? - I mean, I know you very well, and I think, while it might sound great, I think the reality of it might not be as wonderful as you might be imagining. And I think you work a lot more than you give yourself credit for.

You work very, very hard. And for those readers out there who have never written a blog before or run a website, it takes a lot of time. Sam works so hard, you guys. It takes a lot to run a website. And we're all very, very appreciative of everything that you do.

So you definitely need to give yourself more credit. And don't forget how much it used to annoy you at your old job when you had to go to all of those meetings about meetings. - Oh, but I-- - Meetings about meetings. - But I feel like I could be a meeting sit-downer expert.

Just go in there, pretend you're listening, and then nod your head, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And then-- - Yeah. - And then like-- - Maybe you'd-- - That's it. - Maybe you'd have fun with that for like a month, and then you'd be like, why am I here wasting my time?

I wanna be doing this. I could be so much more efficient and, yeah. - I don't know. - Maybe. - Maybe, maybe not. I've been inspired by many of the techies that I've met during the middle of the weekdays playing pickleball. - Right. - They're making good money, and they're having fun.

And I'm like, how many hours a week do you guys work? It's like, yeah, like 20 to 25, 30. And they make multiple six figures. And I'm like, wow, that sounds pretty good to me, but unfortunately I have no technical skills. So, that will be tough. But it always seems, you know, grass is always greener on the other side.

- Grass is always greener. - Alrighty, folks, well, that's our latest catch-up. Sydney and me, I hope you liked it. If you enjoyed this podcast, we'd love a share, a review. It helps keep us going. A lot more episodes in the future. Also, just on the audio stuff in the future, I'm doing my best to figure out how to get the best audio quality possible.

Sometimes it's not possible because of the technical setups or the Wi-Fi of the guests on the other side. Hopefully this audio setup right now with this interview is really good because we're in the same house with the same Wi-Fi system. So just bear with me, folks. Hopefully the content is what matters most.

I'm just a one-man band sourcing the interviewees. Recording, doing the show notes, doing a little bit of editing, not really, and putting it all together. So keep in touch, folks. Please subscribe to the Financial Samurai newsletter at financialsamurai.com/news, and we will hear from you on the next episode. Take care.

- Bye, everybody. (silence) (silence) .