So today when tackling our deep life queries, we actually have a theme. Just coincidentally, we had a big cluster of questions that all had to do with parenthood and the impact of parenthood on all other aspects of the deep life. And I figured why not just put these together, get into a parenthood deep life mode, and answer a bunch of questions that are all in the same general area.

So our first such question comes from Nikki. Nikki asks, "How does one get a sense of satisfaction from goals that continue ad infinitum?" And she elaborates that she is a self-employed mom of three, ages 3.5, two, and three months. So she notes that since her first child, she's been slowly transitioning what used to be yearly goals to more progress or habit-based goals due to the unpredictability of her time with young children.

And she is having some issue with that. She finds that, "I will blow away past a book count goal, shrug, wake up the next day and keep reading. There's always the next project for work or home, and I plan on reading and writing the rest of my life. It feels like now that all my goals have been distilled in the habits, they have lost their ability to ever really be complete.

How can I inject some good old-fashioned crossed-off checkmark, treat-yourself goal satisfaction back into my life?" Well, Nikki, I think it is good to have both types of goals. What I'm going to recommend is doing a birthday challenge. This is something I do myself, where for each year, as I arrive at my birthday, I have a collection of goals I want to accomplish by that birthday.

I usually call them in my notes "project" and then the age. So I'm 39 right now, so I have a project 40 that I'm working on. And typically, I'll have a halfway point intermediate goal. So about halfway through the year or two is my birthday. There's intermediate versions of the big goals that you want to accomplish.

And the birthday-tied goals will typically be themed. So it depends on what's happening in your life. Like right now, you have very young kids. I remember that age well. There was a time when I had a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a newborn. So pretty similar to your current distribution.

I remember that time well. We had just moved to Tacoma Park. I had recently gotten tenure and was writing for the first time in a long time. So this is when I first started. I was working on digital minimalism. And I hadn't written since Deep Work, because I had-- as I've talked about before on the podcast, I had to batten down the hatches, because it's just kids are hard.

And we're going to see this theme through the various questions we're going to answer today. But kids are hard. And so I wasn't writing books when I was a new father. And I was just trying to get tenure. But anyways, I remember that period well. So the goals I would have had, my birthday goals of that period are probably different than my birthday goals for Project 40, which were very different than my goals for Project 30 before I had any kids, for example.

But the point is, it gives you a way to say, what am I focusing on this year? And these are aspirational, very focused on your life in the big picture. And it's something to go after. And it can be very relevant to what's going on. I mean, I would really think right now with a bunch of young kids, these might be very lifestyle-focused goals.

Like, I want to get to a point in our life where we have this set up. Or we have figured out how to make the evenings work, or whatever it is, right? Or that we do a weekly dinner with the grandparents. And so it could be really lifestyle-centric goals.

But it's something that you have figured out and accomplished with a halfway point along the way. And if you're very overwhelmed, like you probably are now, again, they can be lifestyle-focused. They can be pretty modest. And as you emerge from the young kid period, as your kids go to elementary school, they're out of the house, the schedules are more routine, then these can get back.

Maybe they're more professionally ambitious. I mean, I certainly have in Project 40 some way more professionally ambitious goals than I would have had for Project whatever that would have been when I was in your stage. That would have been Project 38. I was not thinking about then, let me get an HQ going.

Let me build out a media company. I mean, it was survival. It was survival mode back then. And now I'm in a different place. So good question, Nikki. Introduce some annual goals back. Do it carefully. Have them be themed. Have them be lifestyle-focused so that you feel really connected.

Like, accomplishing these is going to make my life better, our family's life better. Have a halfway point for a more modest version of the goals. And I think you'll get back some of that energy. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)