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Is It Sinful to Watch Porn with My Spouse?


Transcript

Welcome back to the Ask Pastor John podcast with John Piper, and once again we're going to address a sensitive subject today that is not suitable for younger listeners, and sadly this is a question that we get a lot, a lot more than you might think. Pastor John, somewhere around 30 times over the years this question has come in.

We haven't addressed it yet. It comes sometimes from men, but mostly from perplexed women, and most recently the question came from an anonymous listener who simply asks this, "Pastor John, is it sinful to watch pornography with my spouse before sex?" Yes, it is. It is sin, and it is a revolting sin, and what makes it so revolting is that in that sacred moment, very sacred moment, I wonder if our questioner even has a concept of sacred or sacred sexuality.

In that sacred moment, corruption is abounding in three directions, toward Christ, toward the spouse, which I assume is a wife here being asked to do this, and the marriage, and toward people, so the spouse and marriage and toward people in the pornography. In other words, in so many directions, defilement is happening in the mind that carries those sinful images all the way through life, day and night.

This act, sexual union of husband and wife, is the apex of marital pleasures that represent the pure and holy pleasures between Christ and his church. That's the meaning of sexual intercourse. When the Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church," it is inconceivable that the pleasures Christ has in the church would be awakened and stimulated by his imaging a prostitute to get his juices flowing.

This act of marital sexual union is one of the most intense expressions of the very meaning of marriage, namely, the truth of the words, and I mean words spoken, I pray, in the sexual embrace with your eyes six inches from hers, "You have I chosen above all others. You alone are the one where I feast with pure and unsullied pleasure.

I have eyes for no one but you. I do not run after other women in my mind or in my body. I am utterly devoted to you with my mind, with my eyes, with my body. You alone are my pleasure." That's marriage. That's how the Lord Jesus relates to his bride.

That's what you vow at the altar. He has eyes. Jesus has eyes for no other. What does it say about Christ and his love to his church if you feed the moment of sweetest, purest union with the poison of putrid food from pornographic sexual sin? And make no mistake, the performing and filming of pornographic acts is sin.

What they are doing is sin. They're not acting for the glory of God as you watch them. They're not acting in step with the gospel. They're not pursuing holiness without which no one will see the Lord. They're not acting from faith in Christ, and whatever is not from faith is sin.

They're not putting to death what is earthly and setting their minds on Christ and the things above. They're not inspiring righteousness and purity and self-sacrificing love in anybody. They are modeling selfish indulgence, bondage to the flesh, rebellion against God, and the desire to suck as many people into their sin as they can.

And this is the wine you would drink to assist in the sacred enactment of the purest Christ-exalting marital pleasures. I do not know if you're a husband or a wife who asked this question. It is difficult to imagine a wife urging this on her husband. So let me say to the man, "This is a great insult to your wife.

If you have tempted her, cajoled her, lured her, persuaded her, seduced her into this pornographic delusion of marital love, you should be ashamed. You should repent now to God, and you should tell her how sorry you are for contaminating something so pure, so tender, so deep, so holy with something so vile.

And yes, you should say "vile." You need to have a word like "vile" in your vocabulary. She is not honored by this practice. She is debased. And a husband who insists on this is acting like an animal, not a husband. So yes, this is a sin, a revolting sin.

Revolting because it blasphemes Christ as if he needed sin to help him love his bride, because it celebrates the sickness and sin of the pornography industry, and because it insults the preciousness of a wife's heart and body by the one above all others who should cherish and nourish her soul.

Deeply sobering words, Pastor John. Thank you for tackling this question, and thank you to the listeners who have over the years sent in questions on sensitive topics like this one. It's hard to talk about, but it's necessary that we do. Well, let's end this episode on a happier note of celebration.

This is the anniversary of the Reformation. It's coming up next week. 499 years ago on Monday, Martin Luther wrote his 95 Theses, and he sent them to the Archbishop. And about a month later, legend says he nailed them to the door of All Saints Church in Wittenberg. And we celebrate the date of the letter when Luther wrote these things down and sent them to the Archbishop.

It was a shot across the bow for sure, and it was a moment that we celebrate in Reformation Day, as we now call it, which is celebrated on the same day as Halloween in the States. And we have a couple of questions on the lingering importance of the Reformation, and I'll serve those up to John Piper on Friday, and then on Monday.

I'm your host Tony Reinke. We'll see you then.