Today is October 14th on the podcast and the date marks the 40th anniversary of Pastor John's late night wrestling over a huge decision. Should he leave seminary as a professor in order to take up a full-time pastorate in a local church? Pastor John, take us back to that season of life and I think it's related.

We have a question here from a listener named Vanessa who asks, "Hello, Pastor John. I hope you are well. I, like so many others, are thankful for your ministry. My question for you is this. Does God have a specific plan for my life or do I have freedom to choose what I want to do and God will work in that?

Two good career options are in front of me. Neither would be bad or sinful. When faced with two good options, how have you made decisions?" And of course, in this context, take us back to that anniversary. Tony, this was really moving for me, for you to force me to think about this.

I didn't know until you pointed it out that we were coming up on the 40th anniversary of that night in October 1979 when God did such an amazing work in my life. This is amazing. What a night it was. So I have in front of me here on my desk—I'm going to rattle it so you can hear it so you can hear the paper—I have in front of me the actual handwritten Blue Book pages in volume 25 of my thought notebook, which I began to keep in 1966.

And this one is dated June 22, 1979 to November 21, 1979, so it contains this epic-making night for me personally of October 14. And I'm going to read part of it eventually, but in just a minute. But first, a word about Vanessa's question. "Does God have a specific plan for my life, or do I have freedom to choose what I want to do, and God will work in that?

Two good career options are in front of me," that's what she says. "God's sovereign will for your life, Vanessa, is going to happen no matter what. The mind of a woman plans her way, but the Lord directs her steps," Proverbs 19.21, applied to you. You plan, He directs. Good to plan, He's decisive.

His revealed will, His will of command, the will that He reveals for us to do in the Bible, is what He tells us to do in Scripture. You should always pursue that, always. But those commands do not specify explicitly which career to choose, right? So what do we do?

We do six things. We make it our aim to be radically holy in every part of our lives. Two, we seek to be Bible-saturated, shaped through and through by Scripture. Three, we seek to know ourselves, the way God has made us, our spiritual gifts. Four, we seek to be aware of the needs of the world that we could touch.

Five, we soak all of this in prayer every day for God's wisdom and leading. Psalm 25, especially valuable for this. And six, in it all, we live in a worshiping community of love so that at every step along the way, fellow believers are speaking into our lives. And then, with those six steps in place, there come these critical moments in our lives when two paths are in front of us, neither is sin.

So one of those critical moments for me, one of the most pivotal moments of my life was midnight, almost, October 14, 1979. So I want to read just a few excerpts from the seven or nine pages that I wrote there so that you can get inside how God used my wrestling, and it might shed light on your own wrestling.

I was employed as a teacher, professor of Bible at Bethel College, had worked there for six years, and the question was, "Would I leave this very happy and fruitful job and seek a pastorate?" Which I had never had before. Two good options, right? So here's what I wrote. I am closer tonight to actually deciding to resign at Bethel and take a pastorate than I have ever been.

I'm not kidding. The urge is almost overwhelming. It takes this form. I am enthralled by the reality of God and the power of His Word to create authentic people. And I believe, I really believe, that God has made me a vessel of His Word, which when poured onto people, changes them in this direction.

But I'm not wholly deluded. I know, I really know, I would despair as a pastor. I would despair that my people are not where I want them to be. I would despair at the ruptured study and the writing goals. I would despair at barren administrative details. I'm skipping something, you can hear the pages rattle.

What then would I lose? I would lose the simplicity of task and routine in the college. My life and time would be much less my own. I would lose the serenity of undisturbed hours of study and self-imposed hours of leisure because the needs of the flock are unpredictable. I would lose the quiet of the study and trade it for hours in the car on the way to the hospital and to homes.

I would lose the uniformity of responsibility and be swamped by dozens of different tasks, many of which would no doubt be distasteful unless and until my palate changed. I would lose the collegial stimulation of fellow theologians in return for a draining ministry to the hungry. I would lose an almost total occupation with theological subject matter and inherit the press for programs and functions.

I would lose the ease of having to reckon with no visible failure. If I fail with students, they pass on quickly. But in a church, I must reckon with the possibility nothing happens. People become discontented. No one is being one to Christ. Old animosities remain unhealed. If I only think of all the satanic might-bes, I despair already.

But is this any way to make a choice? Great God, what is faith? If not trusting you for the life-transforming work of your spirit through the ministry of the Word. I think what has happened is a gradual clarification of what my highest values are and the most fruitful way to achieve them.

Those values are to see the Word of God produce people of great faith and great love. That is why Paul stayed and did not set sail for Christ in Philippians 1. "For your advancement and the joy of your faith," he said. This was how he magnified Christ in his body by life.

And that is my greatest goal of all, to magnify and exalt and display Christ in the world and in heaven. By seeing people transformed into new creatures of love and faith through his Word and Spirit. This moment of indecision is real and makes me feel on the brink of doing something that could be so revolutionary for me and for some group of people that I do not want it to be set aside now and say, "Oh, it will pass.

You have felt this way before. You get over it. You realize it was just a moment of dissatisfied fantasy." No. The recurrence is now too frequent, and tonight, it is almost midnight now, too strong. I will seek counsel and pray. My last word is this, I cannot decide now, but I know which side I want to win, the pastorate.

That's the end of my journal entry. And before I went to bed, maybe an hour later, the die was cast. All that remained was to see if my wife, Noelle, felt the same in the morning, and she did. And in June the next year, we began a 33-year pastorate at Bethlehem.

So that's how it happened for me. God is faithful. So, Vanessa, may he guide you. He will. Yeah, amen. That's incredible. Thank you for taking us back into that season and recounting for us that long night, Pastor John, and what you learned and what we can apply from it.

That's really helpful. And thanks for subscribing to Ask Pastor John in your favorite podcast app or on YouTube. We appreciate having you along as you wrestle through all the complicated decisions of life. Well, should you stop listening to this podcast, and when and why? I don't know what sort of question that is.

It's kind of crazy to ask it, but it's a question I'm going to ask Pastor John next time. I'm your host, Tony Reinke, and we'll see you Wednesday when I ask Pastor John, "When should I stop listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast?" That should be interesting. We'll see you then.

1. What are your thoughts on the title "When should I stop listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast?" 2. How would you describe your experience with the podcast? 3. What are your thoughts on the podcast being a "semi-series" podcast? 4. What are your thoughts on the podcast being a "semi-series" podcast?

5. What are your thoughts on the podcast being a "semi-series" podcast? 6. What are your thoughts on the podcast being a "semi-series" podcast? 7. What are your thoughts on the podcast being a "semi-series" podcast? 8. What are your thoughts on the podcast being a "semi-series" podcast? 9. What are your thoughts on the podcast being a "semi-series" podcast?

10. What are your thoughts on the podcast being a "semi-series" podcast?