Kindness, it's funny, we always think about kindness as like I'm kind to people, but it sounds like the like unlock is realizing you need to be kind to yourself and you need to understand yourself. You've said I think self-awareness is like a superpower most people don't realize. In a way that really matters, brother.

Like, in a way that's like, man, if I could wish anything for people on earth besides good health, for everyone who's listening in this great community, because I know the kind that you would cultivate, I just think to myself, like, who's a listener of this based on, I know a good amount about you, and like, I've been watching you for a long time, like, you know, there's like a really high standard of human on here, but I think a lot of them are blind to certain aspects.

And I think the biggest one is like, just be like, easier on yourself, like the extreme level of judgment people put on themselves, because they play the game of comparison. Like, I got the enjoyment I get to see Kev or Tim Ferriss or, or, or, I mean, anybody like I get thrilled when I see people are winning, as if that's coming out of mine.

I've always been baffled by people's inability to understand that the world is abundant, and nobody, nobody is taking out of yours. If 50 people showed up tomorrow that are incredible public speakers, not, not a dollar is taken out of my pocket. There's plenty of speaking gigs I could do.

I really wish people understood that. And I think understanding who you're trying to accomplish for is also very important. A lot of people listening here who are still trying to make their parents proud, even though their parents are not capable of ever giving that, you know, cosign to their child, because they themselves never got it from their parents.

So a lot of people blame their parents, and haven't done the work of figuring out that they should actually be blaming their grandparents, which then leads them to actually realize they should be blaming their great grandparents. And it becomes this game where you can give your parents a lot more leeway, which actually, a lot of times for people is an unlock.

And it's kind of like a, you know, you can get it off your chest. And, you know, I think, yeah, I'm very passionate about this subject matter. Are there things people can that are listening can do to start to build better self-awareness? Is there like a training regimen or some activity that you've seen be helpful?

I think one is to really start to make the people closer to them feel comfortable with giving them truth and candor. So like finding that best friend, where like, if you can go to that one place where you think you, whether it's your mom or dad or best friend or spouse, we're like, Hey, I'm actually starting a journey of self-awareness.

And I know that I've always been the kind of person that can get very defensive, or it can lead to a fight, or you just love me so much, you don't want to hurt my feelings, but no bullshit. Can you just, you know, like answer a couple of questions for me?

Like, you know, how everybody says, like, I have all this talent. Like, am I lazy? Like, if you can get a person that loves you to a place where they'll tell you the truth, you can really start to unlock some conversations that can give you some affirmation on something you've been fighting off.

It's funny you say this. I remember, I hope he's okay with me talking about this. Kevin had this went through this process and actually hired someone to call a bunch of his friends and have that kind of like performance review conversation and be like, you know, I'm going to keep this anonymous.

I'm not going to sign it to you. But like, Kevin wants to know, like, what can he improve in? Like, where is he letting his friends down? What would you tell him if you know, you knew he wouldn't be able to know it was you. And it sounds like, you know, not everyone needs to hire someone to do that.

You could, you know, it's hard. Sometimes your friends don't want to be honest. No, I think I think what you just said is a viable and maybe even a clear, cleaner data set than what I'm referring to. And you know, I'm just very aware that most people can't afford to hire someone to do that, right?

Or even think of it. But like, like, even a friend, like, ask a friend, can you just call these five people and I like it, I like it. To your point, in my version, I'm asking that most in inner person to give it to you to your point, maybe that inner person is the one that cultivates the data.

I think it's fascinating. Or an anonymous Google form. I think I think I like that, too. I like that, too. I think I think people have to be ready, right? I had to be ready at 30 for eight years, I knew health and fitness was something I wanted to be, but it was finally on a flight from Houston to New York, with my head against the window where I was like, it's time, you know, like, for a lot of people right now, they're hearing this, and they're pushing against it like now, because they're not ready.

For another listener today, this was the moment, like in the last week or two, they just got ready of like, you know what, I just want my life to be happier. And this is part of the equation. Like, look, out of all the things, work ethic, passion, kindness, I will say that accountability, I would argue is probably the quickest indicator to how happy you are.

If you are truly interested in being accountable to yourself, yet to the whole thing, to yourself, to everyone around you, to every situation, to every relationship to the to the truth. I'll give you a good example. In my 20s and 30s. I would struggle so much with firing people and giving them candorous feedback that almost every exit at Wine Library and early VaynerMedia was sloppy.

They stayed a year longer because I wrestled with it. And then when I would do it, it would just be a shit show. Like, it would be, I'd ask my cousin Bobby to do it. Even though I was the one who interacted with the person every day, 500 days a year.

I would, I would flub it, I would talk for three minutes about how they're the greatest and be like, but that being said, we're going to have to let you go and they'd be confused. And so there was two, 300 people over a 20 year period, back to what I said earlier, that were close to me and did actually know me who did not have a good taste towards me.

What did I do in my 20s and early 30s? I would blame them. I'd be like, how could that person be mad at me? They were so, like, they were the worst. They were so incapable of their job. I was such a good guy for letting them even be in the company for another year or two.

Look what's happened. They've not been successful in their last two places. And it took me getting into my late thirties and really actually into my mid forties. Fuck my late thirties, not my late thirties. It got into the last three or four or five years where I was like, you know what?

My lack of candor is the only, is the kryptonite to the thing I said 15 minutes earlier, which is, I love that people that know me, like me a lot. Asterisk, people that have worked for me that were not good at their job in my subjective opinion, that I let sit around because I was too scared or was not interested in conflict.

And I created so much resentment and passive aggressiveness that eventually it boiled over and then they were fired. That group of 100 to 200 people on earth don't have the same good taste towards me than the 10,000 that have been close to me in my life. That took me being accountable to like, that's on me.

Cause I struggled with candor, which is why in the book, the last book that you're referencing, the reason I wrote 12 and a half was strictly at the end of the day to talk about kind candor. This concept that I rebranded it to myself and now I'm better at candor, but it took a lot of professional and personal losing for me to get to that point where I could be accountable and be like, Hey, okay, tough guy.

Like you're good at a lot of shit. That's nice. Or a lot of people, this is something you stink at. And like, we'll continue to be a problem in your life unless you're able to build. And, uh, I'm, I'm proud of where I'm at with candor. Now I'm a five, I'm a 4.7.

I'm a 5.2. That's a lot better than a one. And I got to tell you in the last two, three years at VaynerX, the holding company, VaynerMedia, the agency, the company's much stronger because of it. People are, you know, my greatest pride as a leader was eliminating fear. I got this, I got this, I got this, I got you, we got this.

And I delivered for years. But what really was rock bottom for me was when I realized, wait a minute, there's a lot of people walking around scared because they don't know if out of nowhere, they're just going to get fired because I'm like, everything's great until it's not. And then I have to start giving more candor along the way.

And my organization does it better because I do it better. And it's been