Hello again, and thank you for listening to Ask Pastor John with longtime pastor and author John Piper. I'm your host, Tony Reinke. By God's grace, this is a podcast that's heard around the world by a lot of different people, and that means when we dive into the most sensitive fears and the most painful wounds of a life, we're only doing so at a very principled level.

We offer scriptural pointers. We're trying to point you into your Bible. We're never trying to replace the necessary pastors and counselors and Christian friends that God has put in your life that you need for face-to-face care. That's irreplaceable. And with that said, a really painful email has arrived from a man in England who writes this, "Pastor John, how can I forgive my parents?

I've been a Christian for 17 years but struggle with forgiveness of my parents for my abusive childhood. I know that the Lord teaches forgiveness as does the Bible in many passages. I am able to forgive others' injustices and wrongs, but I really struggle with memories of my childhood and it brings resentment to mind.

Not only forgiveness is taught in the Bible, but also it says I should honor my parents. I feel like a failure as a Christian. I am 47 years old with a family of my own and I feel such resentment, even hate and rage sometimes at my parents for the physical and mental abuse I suffered at their hands.

Please help me to understand how I can get peace over this matter and try to forgive them, a forgiveness that lasts for all time, not just until another memory surfaces." Pastor John, what would you say to this listener? I have three practical suggestions based on Scripture, but first, let me say how utterly crucial I think this issue is, and I'm glad, so glad that it's been asked.

Jesus teaches that an unforgiving heart is an unforgiven heart. Let me say that again. Jesus teaches that an unforgiving heart is an unforgiven heart. Here's what he says. "Father, forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors." Make it correspond. He follows up with this, "If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you.

If you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." That's Matthew 6, 14 and 15. Then in Matthew 18, you remember, he tells the parable of the unforgiving servant, and that makes the same point. So all that just to say this is serious. Here are my three suggestions.

Number one, Colossians 3, 13, "Forgive each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." In other words, being able and willing to forgive grows out from the root of being forgiven. How amazing, how precious, how humbling does being forgiven make you feel? If you're forgiven, how amazed are you that you are forgiven?

Let me use a picture. Picture that you are a traitor to a gracious and good king. You're a traitor. And in your evil, you are planning to kill the king. He's a good king. He hasn't done anything to bring this on. You still want to submit. You dig a tunnel under the castle and begin to stock it with dynamite.

He finds out about your treachery. And on the day you plan to blow it up, blow the king up and kill him, he follows you into the tunnel. You light the fuse to the dynamite. But as you're running out to get out so that you won't be blown up, you fall and gash an artery in your leg.

The bleeding is so bad as you try to limp your way out, you become faint and collapse. He sees you. And instead of running out himself to save his life, he picks you up and carries you towards safety. And just before you reach safety, the explosion loses a beam, which falls on the king and kills him as he pushes you to safety.

So there you are standing free and your leg with a tourniquet on it and the king dead having saved your life. And a sense of exhilaration at being alive comes over you, a sense of shame at what you have done comes over you. And my question is, in that moment of life, I'm alive, what a horrible thing I have done.

In that moment, how would you feel about your parents? My own experience is that in the moments of worship, when I feel most guilty at the horror of my own sin against God, against Jesus, and when I feel most amazed at my own forgiveness and most stunned at the magnitude of what it cost in Jesus' suffering, I am least likely to be angry at those moments with those who have wronged me.

It just doesn't fit. It just doesn't fit. I can't do it. I can't seethe with revenge and celebrate being forgiven. I can't. It won't work. So my suggestion is linger long and deep over the cost and the hope, the preciousness, the amazing wonder of being forgiven at the cost of Christ.

That's my first suggestion. Second suggestion. This comes from my devotions yesterday morning. This very question was on my mind when I read this. This is the trial of Jesus. The high priest asked Jesus, "Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?" And Jesus said, "I am." And you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the power and coming in the clouds of heaven.

And the high priest tore his garments and said, "What further need do we have of witnesses? You have heard what he said. Blasphemy. What is your decision?" And they all condemned him as deserving death. And then these words, "And some began to spit on him and to cover his face and strike him, to put a hood over his face and then struck him, saying, 'Prophesy.' And the guards received him with blows." And I just paused and I was on the brink of tears.

This doesn't usually happen to me when I'm all by myself, but on the brink of tears. And I said, "How could he not strike back? How could he not strike back? I get so angry when people do bad things to me that I want to strike back so quickly.

How could he not?" And the answer—I mean, it was a real question in the early church, how he could not. And Peter gave one of the answers. It goes like this in 1 Peter 2.21, "Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you might follow in his steps.

He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return. When he suffered, he did not threaten." Here's what he did. "But he continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly." In other words, even when your own judicial sentiment rises up and demands that there be justice because of the wrong that's done to you, you can roll that over onto the judge who judges justly, and you don't have to bear the awful weight of being the judge and the avenger yourself.

You can trust that justice will be done. Punishment will happen in hell or will have happened on the cross. Sinners will bear it, or Christ will bear it. You cannot improve upon the justice of God in Christ's crucifixion or in hell. So you can let it go. Let it go.

Vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord. And here's my third suggestion. Ponder that an unforgiving spirit hurts you more than anyone. It does no good. In fact, it does a lot of harm to you and not to others. You might say, "Oh, that kind of argument. I've heard that kind of argument before.

It just has no power. It's a powerless argument just to tell me that my emotions that are rising up within me do me no good. That's a useless argument, Piper." And my response to that is, "Jesus didn't think it was useless, and you better be careful." Because he used that very argument against the sin of anxiety, which has the same power rising up within us as resentment does.

He said in Matthew 6, 27, "Which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his span of life?" In other words, it doesn't do any good to be anxious. It's not going to do you any good. And if you respond to Jesus by saying, "That's a useless argument," woe to you.

Don't talk to Jesus like that. He knows what he's doing. It's a useful argument. Don't blow it off. Ask the Lord to make it powerful. This is doing me no good. This is hurting me. God, use that insight to take the power of this resentment away from me. So those are my three strategies that God has given you to overcome the destructive effects of resentment and bitterness.

Number one, be amazed at your own forgiveness, the magnitude of it, and what it costs. Two, let the all-wise judge settle accounts for you so you don't have to bear that awful load. Three, ponder deeply that an unforgiving spirit hurts you more than anyone. Thank you, Pastor John. We get a lot of very personal emails, as you can imagine.

We obviously cannot plunge into the details with you of your life and your story like a pastor can. We do our best to stay at the principal level, and that's what this podcast does best. Thank you for listening. To search or browse our past episodes or to send us a new question of your own, you can go to our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

Well Jesus was never ashamed to tell his disciples or his potential disciples to liquidate all of their assets and to give away all of their cash first. So is that same expectation put to disciples today? It's a really, really good question, and I think every serious Bible reader and every serious follower of Jesus has to wrestle with that question.

I'm your host, Tony Reinke. We'll see you back here next time on Friday. Amen. Amen. Amen.