(upbeat music) - That hit everything except this whole, this kind of looming topic of icebreakers. And I think anyone listening right now is kind of wondering, oh gosh, like what does Nick mean when he says icebreakers? - Yeah, and why do icebreakers? Aren't those silly? Aren't those childish? Well, we do icebreakers because it's a short survey of the room.

And icebreakers also not only give your guests excuses to go meet new people, which by the way, that's why your party is going to be very successful. And that's why your friends will love you for hosting this because you are going to help them meet new people. Most adults haven't made a new friend in the last three years.

And yet as we get older, we need friends more than ever, right? Friends become like a game of attrition. They have kids, they move, things happen. We don't see people as often. Your party will be successful because all of your guests are gonna talk to a lot of new people.

How do we encourage that by using these icebreakers? Icebreakers are a short survey of the room. Generally, you'll go around the circle, you'll say your name, you'll say what you do for work. If you don't wanna say for work, you say something you're excited about. And then the third one, which is the icebreaker question, okay?

So each icebreaker has three parts, name, what you do for work, and then the icebreaker question, right? You'll do three rounds of icebreakers. I think of icebreakers as a green, yellow, red scaffolding where you would wanna start your party with a green-level icebreaker. A green-level icebreaker, the one that I use, that I suggest everybody use for the first one, is what is one of your favorite things to eat for breakfast?

So first, how does that hit with you? What are your thoughts? I'm ready for it. If you hate it, then tell me, and I'll tell you why it's great, but I just wanna hear your thoughts. - I mean, I don't actually eat breakfast that often, so-- - Because why not?

Why don't you choose to eat breakfast? - Uh, I, I don't know, I just-- - You just skip, it's not for health reasons, you're not intermittent fasting, you're just, I'm just lazy. - I am just, I forget. - Sometimes it's been intermittent fasting, sometimes it's just been like, I don't wanna, it's just one more thing to think about during the day.

- Yes, yeah. - Now, when you do eat breakfast, what's one of your favorite things to eat for breakfast, when you do? - I mean, when I do eat breakfast, it's usually like some ridiculous, like make an amazing breakfast for the weekend kind of thing, like lemon ricotta pancakes, or-- - Are you, lemon ricotta pancakes, are you kidding me?

- That's like a go-to, you know, once a month kind of thing in our house. - I've asked this icebreaker hundreds of times, I've never heard somebody say lemon ricotta pancakes, that's incredible. - Yeah, 'cause I think it's like, I don't make a lot of breakfast, so if I do make breakfast, I'm gonna, you know, step it up, and I have this recipe, now I feel like I should put it in the show notes, that I think is just like, every time I make these lemon ricotta pancakes, and they're not that hard, it just wins every time.

- Wait, now I gotta know, what, like, how long does it take you to make them? Okay, look, if we're doing this at my party, I just wanna show you right there, what just happened. You expressed a piece of your personality, that you share and you make your secret thing, lemon ricotta pancakes.

Now, you might not always eat breakfast, but you did get to share when you do make breakfast, what you make, okay? Everybody chooses or not chooses to eat breakfast every single day, and it is generally a positive, happy feeling that we have. A good green-level icebreaker is an icebreaker that's quick to answer, it's fast, and it doesn't incur judgment from others.

A bad green icebreaker, which I would never do, would be something like, say your name, say what you do for work, and say your favorite book ever, okay? Because that's subjective, that's definitive, that's very hard to pick, it's going to maybe elicit a little bit of judgment, people are gonna try to show off, they don't know.

Now, how do we modify that, right? It's what I said, what's one of your favorite things to eat for breakfast? I still wouldn't ask, what's one of your favorite books? I would ask that later, because a book is an intellectual thing, right? Breakfast is a human, delicious thing, it's a fun thing, it's an easy thing.

So we ask that as just a way for everybody at your party to sort of sound off and express a piece of their personality. You do it very quick, a good icebreaker is a quick icebreaker so you're not going to allow for follow-up questions like I was drilling you on, right?

You're just gonna have everybody go around. And then you just say, all right, thanks everybody, I do those icebreakers so we can all meet somebody new maybe, I hope you'll say hello. And then you as a host shut up, and you just let the party go, which is so awkward as a new host, if you've never done this, you're like this is terrifying.

But then you do it and the room explodes, it comes alive, people go up and they talk to new people, you turn the music back up and everybody's making these conversations. So we do that because most parties you go to, you just went to your kid's birthday party recently, they didn't do icebreakers, you just maybe you bumped into somebody and started the conversation.

I'm guessing, right? It's just physical proximity. - Don't let your kid drink that juice box 'cause my daughter just threw it on the ground. Like that was our icebreakers. - Yes, yes. And there's nothing wrong with those, those are fine gatherings. But for listeners of your show, they're interested in how to get more out of life, they're interested in optimizing things.

And as cliche and as ridiculous as it sounds to optimize your social situations, it does help if the goal is to help your friends make more friends, to do a survey of the room, do a couple of them during your party, to give people excuses to go start a new conversation.

Because by the way, the other reason we do icebreakers is it gives people an easy excuse to end their conversations. - So are you doing these like every 30 minutes, you kind of pop into an icebreaker and then turn it off? - That's exactly right. You do them every 30 minutes, you're gonna do them three times throughout your party, two or three times.

And they should only take five or so minutes. By the way, a hack that everybody needs to know, the icebreakers, you have to be standing. You cannot let people sit down. It is the kryptonite to a successful, you can't do icebreakers sitting down. People will ask follow-up questions, they'll drone on.

A good icebreaker is a fast one. - You said you go from green to yellow to red. What are the more advanced ones? And do you have people, because people are coming and going, do you redo the names and the works each time? - Yes, you redo the names, you do that for all of them.

So your first icebreaker, I'll get into the details with you. Your first icebreaker you're gonna do when there's only five or six people who've shown up. And that is what I call lovingly the awkward zone at a party. It's the first 10 or 20 minutes when not many people are there.

It's a little bit awkward. There's not enough energy in the room. You do the icebreaker to bust out of the awkward zone. You're gonna do that same icebreaker about 20 minutes later when now everybody has arrived. And then 30 minutes later, you'll do your last and final icebreaker. And what I like to ask is, say your name, say what you do for work, and then say one of the favorite pieces of media that you've consumed over the last couple months.

That could be a show on Netflix. It could be a podcast like this. It could be a great book that you read, a long form article, a funny meme that you saw, a TikTok video, just a cool piece of media that you consumed and enjoyed. And Chris, this one works so well because everybody's sharing great recommendations for a book, a movie, something, and people are wanting to write down stuff.

They're feeling smarter because everybody's sharing these great ideas. So I love that one. - What about that middle break? Any other tips for icebreakers beyond the two you shared? - One more that you could do, and this is, you've probably seen this online, used for engagement bait, is what is one of your favorite purchases of the last year?

It could be a service or an activity, or it could be a physical object that you've purchased. Maybe it's a new car, maybe it's a kitchen appliance, but what's one of your favorite purchases that's made your life better during the last year? And people love to share. I love this one.