(upbeat music) A friend of the ministry writes in, "Pastor John, I'm a 24-year-old follower of Christ "who serves as the student pastor "of a small Southern Baptist church. "I'm also a full-time student in seminary. "My girlfriend and I have been dating for a long time "and we both want to move forward in marriage.

"We have prayed about it and both of our churches "are very supportive of our relationship "and future marriage. "The problem is that we don't make enough money. "She makes enough to contribute "to our relationship financially, but I do not. "I've asked my church to reevaluate my salary, "but they cannot afford to raise it.

"I work 40-plus hours a week in ministry "and put in 30-plus hours a week in classes. "If I take on a second job, "I'll be neglecting my girlfriend, "my ministry, and my education. "So what do I do?" First of all, let me commend our friend for being the one to write with this question instead of assuming that his girlfriend should take the initiative to do that.

I think that's a good sign that he is ready to step up and do what needs to be done. I hope so. I'm not a believer in long engagements. Seems to me that there is something, especially in our culture, that is unnatural and unwise when a couple knows that they're heading for marriage and others have confirmed that wisdom.

Unnatural to keep putting it off for various practical reasons. Seems to me that in general, if two single people can make a living and get along on their own, then they can probably make a living and get along together. So when Noel and I believed it was time to be married, after two years of knowing that it was time to be married, and the reason we hadn't moved sooner is 'cause her dad wanted her to finish school, so I submitted.

We finally moved forward without having all the practical questions answered. In the same way that a single person might launch out in life without having all the questions answered about how ends are gonna meet. We just decided that we'd rather starve together, if necessary, than be comfortable alone, so to speak.

If I were doing this face-to-face with our friend, I would be filled with questions at this point. I would be digging into him and his fiance to find out about their motivations, their personalities, their discipline, their capacities for change and sacrifice, and what the practical options are, but here I am sitting at my desk and don't know them, and so I'm gonna have to go with generality, so here we go.

I think there are five or six options in front of you. Number one, you could continue to wait until your schooling is done, and you have a better-paying job, and then move forward. I discourage that option, assuming that everybody has given the green light for your marriage that putting it off and putting it off doesn't seem wise to me.

Number two, your fiance could try to get a new, better-paying job so that she could support you during the remaining years in school while you're married. That's the way Noelle and I did it. She worked as a secretary in two different ways during my schooling years and was a homemaker for 40-plus years afterwards.

That was the deal, and she was so gracious to help in that way. Third, you could resign your position at the church and look for a better-paying job. I don't know the degree of your commitment to that church or what the expectations are, but that's one option. Fourth, and this is the one I would encourage you to think hardest about, can you not really lower your expenses as a married couple so that you can actually live on the combined salaries?

Really, come on. Do you have expectations of how you must live that make this seem impossible when it's really not? Are those expectations necessary? Your food's not gonna cost any more than when you live together. Depending on where you live now, you might be able to find a rental situation that's just as cheap as what you both are doing now, and so on.

My guess is you've thought a lot about this, but I don't know, and I wonder if you are willing to make the sacrifices so that you can be together. And fifth is part of four, really. As part of that fourth option, you might negotiate with your church. If they can't give you a raise, perhaps they could give you access to a living situation, like a bedroom in somebody's house or a basement or some attached apartment or something that the church would pick up or that would just be offered free by a member in the church who believes in you for a couple of years, and so you get your living situation free as part of the deal for working at the church.

And the last thing I would say is try to discern if God's leading and calling is on you to move forward now with marriage. Is it God's time? I know that's subjective and difficult to tell, but is it God's time? And if you sense that it is, as Noelle and I did, then expect God to do wonderful things to make life together possible.

And as part of that, pray together. Pray earnestly together that the Lord would open the door for this good thing in your life called marriage. - Beautiful, thank you, Pastor John. This episode was targeting a couple in ministry. We also released episode number 295, which is titled "RB2 Financially Unstable to Get Married" and it has some other factors to keep in mind, especially when it comes to the provisional capacity of the man involved.

Check that out, number 295 in the archive. Well, we are always becoming like what we most admire. It's one of the most fundamental dynamics of the Christian life. It's one of the most fundamental dynamics of what it means to be human. John Piper will explain tomorrow how this works.

I'm your host, Tony Ranke. Thanks for making the Ask Pastor John podcast a part of your day. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)