A really good parenting question in the inbox today. How do we raise kids who are not naive and not cynical? It's a question from a dad, a listener to the podcast named Rick in Fort Worth, Texas. Hello Pastor John. Matthew 10 16 says we are to be shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves.

As we raise our children we don't want them to be gullible or naive, yet we also don't want them to be hard-hearted and cynical. How then do we shape their perspectives in preparing them for this world? What mistakes and consequences can be the result of this effort? Well this is such a good question because it reflects a very mature grasp of one of the main paradoxes of the Christian life.

On the one hand, Jesus is sending us out into the world like sheep amid wolves, and sheep are very vulnerable. They're not viewed as belligerent. Nobody's afraid of a sheep biting them. But on the other hand, we are to be wise and discerning and mature and stable and strong and shrewd and not duped by the winds of false teaching.

So there it is, the paradox, and he's got it. We're to be on the one hand humble and lowly, counting others more significant than ourselves, and yet on the other hand, unwavering in our convictions, full of courage, because Proverbs says the righteous are as bold as a lion. So Rick, it seems to me, has a pretty good grasp of the challenge in front of us, not only to be this way, but to raise kids who become adults who are this way.

Now I don't know that I can say anything he wouldn't think of on his own, since he's got such a good handle on this, it seems to me, but I'll try. Let me make four suggestions, and I think it will be obvious what sorts of mistakes could arise in the effort to carry out these suggestions.

We'll see. Number one, from the earliest age, teach the children from the Bible, day in and day out, with specific biblical statements about this paradox of shrewdness like snakes and innocence like doves, and fill out the teachings with stories from the Bible, and then maybe stories from Christian history or biography or from the current day.

Whenever you see someone in a biography or in history or in missions or in contemporary life, illustrate the paradox, point it out, help the children see the beauty of it and how much you admire it, and they should admire it. Let me give a specific example of the kind of teaching I mean when I say pick out specific sentences to illustrate what this paradox looks like.

I'm really influenced here by what I've been thinking about recently, because we at Desiring God have tried to articulate a core value that gets at this very thing. I'll mention the name of it in just a minute. It says in Ephesians 4.2, "To walk in a manner worthy of our calling as Christians." And then it gives three words, more than three, but I'll just mention the first three.

Being lowly and meek and long-suffering. Those three words. So we read that to our children, and then we ask them, "What do you think those three words mean? Let's talk about lowly. What is lowly? Humble because of our sin and what terrible suffering it took to save us and how dependent we are on God all the time.

Lowly and meek, dove-like, sheep-like, a way of life that fits in with lowliness and long-suffering, not getting angry easily, not returning evil for evil." And then you pause and you press in further with your kids as you work through what those words mean, modeling for the kids how to take words of Scripture seriously.

And you ask, "What is the way of life that Paul calls meek, that's supposed to fit with this lowliness of attitude?" And then you show them. I'm thinking of this right now just because in my working through Ephesians in "Look at the Book" on Ephesians 4-2, this is what I did.

And this was so incredibly fresh to me. I'd never seen these three verses together like this. So I asked the question to myself, and now I'm asking it to my imaginary kids in front of me. What are some illustrations of what meekness looks like? Because we want to get this right here.

We don't want meekness to look like it isn't. And here are the three illustrations. Galatians 6-1, "If anyone is caught in a transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of meekness, keeping watch over yourself, lest you too be tempted." Now here's the catcher. It takes a lot of guts, a lot of courage to confront somebody in a bad behavior.

It's just so much easier to sweep it under the rug. Somebody else is just ignoring it, and you're going to go to him with courage, confront him, but you're going to do it in meekness. So meekness is that courageous, lowly way of doing it. Here's the second illustration. Second Timothy 2-24, "The Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil." And here comes correcting his opponents with meekness.

Now there it is again. The first illustration from Galatians was correct their behavior. The second illustration is correct their doctrine. And that may even require more courage, depending on what kind of person they are. But you're going to get in their face, tell them what you believe about this is not true, but you're going to do it with meekness.

So meekness is combined in those two instances with courage. Here's the third one. First Peter 3-15, "Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but always be prepared to give a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it with meekness and respect, having a good conscience, so that when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame." So meekness stands in front of people who are perhaps gnashing their teeth and ready to revile you and slander you and speaks a witness for Jesus, courageously, boldly, and yet with meekness.

So you step back then with those three illustrations out there for your kids, and you say, "So what is meekness? What is a meek person like?" And the answer is courage, courage, courage, courage, correcting behaviors, correcting teachings, bearing witness in front of slanderers, but all of it with a gentle and humble demeanor.

Now that's going to be a paradox for them. They're going to wrestle with for the rest of their lives. But oh my, to return to it again and again and again in our Bible reading would be wonderful. And then you might illustrate it from Acts 5, where the apostles have been beaten for their witness, and it says in 541, "Then they left the presence of the council rejoicing, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name." So meekness is willing to take suffering, and it is so content in God, so confident in God, that it rejoices in the suffering.

So you teach from specific texts and stories and illustrations about this paradox of courage and meekness. And the second thing would be simply to look for sharp, clear, memorable, provocative phrases that can sum up what you're trying to get across. Now that's what we've been doing at Desiring God, and we've hit upon two phrases.

One is called brokenhearted boldness, and the other is contrite courage. And that's one of our core values now, because we want to try to get at this paradox in a very controversial, strident, angry age we live in, and look at what courage looks like. What is it supposed to look like when Christians are courageous?

Are they supposed to be brash and braggart and loud and strident? Or is there another way? And so I think finding a phrase that you repeat year after year for your kids, so that when they leave home 20 years from now, they'll remember, "Well, there was something called brokenhearted boldness.

There was something called contrite courage that my dad believed in, and I'd like to discover it again." And the third thing I would suggest is be a model for your children in this. Be bold, be humble, be courageous, be contrite. Over time, they're going to see this. And one special form of modeling that I think is really important in this media-saturated time where you're looking at the news, you're looking at videos, you're looking at YouTube, you're looking at all kinds of things, and you see stuff you can't stand.

It really bothers you. It's so harmful. It's so unbiblical. And the kids know that you feel that way about it, and they're watching. Now, how's dad, how's mom going to respond to these things they so strongly disagree with? Well, you want to model for them by saying, "Now, this is wrong.

This is hurtful. This dishonors God." But you want to show them how do you love your enemy at that moment. And you might pause at that very moment, turn off the news and pray. Pray for the person who you just criticized because of how destructive their view was. And the kids will learn.

You can be a sharp, careful, incisive critic of the culture, and yet you might love it and care for it and pray for it as you ought. And the last thing I would say is don't be joyless. Be full of joy. I look back on my parents' effort to give me strong convictions in the midst of worldliness that they thought was encroaching on every side, even back in the '50s and '60s.

And I think the key that won me over so that I embrace their faith today, the key was that they were both not only Bible-saturated with high moral standards, but they were the happiest people I think I've ever known. I took it for granted growing up, but now I look back on some of the things they went through in their marriage and in finances and in culture and in disputes, and I marvel that they were as happy as they were.

So joy in the Lord in the midst of hardship is a great evidence to the children that Christ is real. It doesn't guarantee that they will embrace the truth and the beauty of Christ, but it is a powerful attraction. Yeah, amen. Thank you, Pastor John, and thank you for the excellent parenting question, Rick, in Fort Worth, Texas.

Wherever you live, and we have listeners now spread out all across the globe, we publish this podcast online three times a week with over 1,500 episodes now in the archive. You can find them, subscribe, or send us a question of your own. All of that can be done online at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

Well I believe on Monday when we return, we're going to talk about our past sins and our past regrets. Specifically, when looking at Romans 8:28, does Paul mean to say that even my past sins, too, are working together for my future good? Really, really important question. Oh man. Do our past sinful regrets work together for our future good?

I'm Tony Reinke. We'll see you after the weekend. Thanks for watching. God bless.