(upbeat music) Well, on Monday on the podcast, we open the week talking about gossip and why it's so tempting to speak badly about other people behind their backs in order to harm their own reputation. And I'm still thinking about all the hard issues that we talked about in a very important and helpful episode.

If you didn't listen to it, I would encourage you to do so. Today, we talk about the grace of receiving personal criticism from others and learning from those criticisms for our own personal growth. There are some incredibly vivid Proverbs on this theme, like Proverbs 17, 10. "A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding "than a hundred blows into a fool." Wow, so how do we receive rebuke as a wise man seeking greater wisdom?

And specifically, Pastor John, how do you do it? It's the question from an anonymous listener in Australia who asks this. Hello, Pastor John. I was wondering how you deal with personal criticisms from others. How do you process them, learn from them, and determine which ones are accurate and which ones are not?

- That question, of course, is all the more relevant in a day of social media when you not only have a few dozen people in your family and church or neighborhood or network at work who might criticize you and you can deal with face to face, but you have a few million people who might get wind of your opinion on Twitter or Facebook or blog or wherever you happen to be talking.

They might get wind of your opinion and call you the most vile names in the world. In one sense, this world of social media is unrealistic because we simply can't deal seriously with thousands of opinions about ourselves. And yet, on the other hand, this world of social media is a glimpse into reality because it does give a clearer sense of how divided the world really is and how deeply we would be hated if more people knew what we believe about Jesus.

And I call it a glimpse into reality because Jesus himself said in Matthew 24, 9 that we would be hated by all nations. And if you just operate among five or 10 people, you don't have any sense of that. But if you go online, you do. You do get a sense of being hated by all nations.

So here's my strategy of dealing with criticism. And for whatever it's worth, I hope it helps this listener from Australia. Number one, realize that according to Scripture, it is wise to be eager to grow through rebuke rather than eager to defend yourself. Proverbs 19, 20, listen to advice, accept instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future.

Proverbs 17, 10, a rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than 100 blows into a fool. Proverbs 9, 8, reprove a wise man and he'll love you. Proverbs 19, 25, reprove a man of understanding. He will gain knowledge. Psalm 141, 5, let a righteous man strike me. It is kindness.

Let him rebuke me. It is oil from my head. Let my head not refuse it. So it's wise to want and receive correction, rebuke, criticism. Number two, I try to make it my aim to be humble and open rather than being controlled by anger at words of criticism. I say, I try.

James 3, 17, but the wisdom from above is first, pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason. I love that little phrase because the Greek word open to reason there is persuadable. In other words, you've just said something, somebody disagrees, they say something back to you and you are persuadable. That is, you're gonna listen.

You are willing to be changed if you're wrong. Or James 1, 19, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. So humility listens, anger pushes back real quickly. Let's strive to be humble and not quick and self-defensive in anger.

Number three, when I feel knocked off balance by criticism or deeply destabilized, which can really happen, it can go really deep sometimes and shake you deeply, I pray for God to hold onto me and guide me and I try to trust his promises. So Psalm 139, nine, I take, if I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost part of the sea, even there, your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me.

I really need to feel that God is holding me if I'm being pummeled by somebody or hundreds and feel like I'm being knocked off balance in my life. Or Psalm 25, 15, my eyes are ever toward the Lord. He will pluck my feet out of the net. If I feel like I'm getting all netted and obstructed and confused, I turn to God's promise, he will pluck your feet out of the net.

Or Psalm 25, eight and nine, good and upright is the Lord, therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He'll instruct me, he'll help me know what criticism is to be embraced and which ones I have to let go. He leads the humble in what is right, he teaches the humble his way.

Or Psalm 25, 14, the friendship, and the literal translation there is the inner counsels, the friendship, the counsel of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. So I wanna draw near to God in reverential fear and believe he's going to give me stability, he's gonna pluck my feet out, he's gonna hold onto me, he's going to instruct me and get me through this emotional mess of criticism.

Number four, I try to test everything by the word of God, not just by my preferences or tradition. And that includes testing not just ideas, but also attitudes and behaviors. Test everything, hold fast to what is good, 1 Thessalonians 5, 21, or Psalm 119, 24, your testimonies are my delight, they are my counselors.

So what if you're criticized for being unloving? 1 John 5, 2 is a real stabilizing help. It says, "By this we know that we love the children of God, "when we love God and obey his commandments." In other words, the measure is not just my feeling wobbly right now that I just got criticized for being loving or unloving, the question is, was I in obedience to his commandments, his word, was I following his word when I said what he said or did what I did?

So measure the criticisms by the word of God. Number five, this is so practically important, for me anyway, give yourself time to consider the criticism before you speak, because the flesh, my flesh, is quick to strike out in defense. And I'm thinking, first, Tony, of marriage. (laughing) The person who corrects me most often in the universe is my wife, all right?

And my guess is most spouses would say this, because you drive together and she didn't think you should make that turn or the way you, whatever, you know. Well, here's Ecclesiastes 7, 8, and 9. Better is the end of a thing than the beginning. And the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.

Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools. Ecclesiastes 7, 8, and 9. Oh, how many times I have struck out quickly in self-defense toward Noel, my wife, and had to eat my words within 10 minutes because she was right. A quick tongue is notoriously unreliable.

Give yourself time. Don't have knee-jerk, self-defensive reactions. Try to kill that impulse. The flesh does not like to be criticized and lashes out quickly, but the spirit is gentle and you give the spirit time, he will reveal your sin or her sin, and it will be dealt with in a godly way.

Six, surround yourselves with enough people who can give balanced assessment of what you're being criticized for. Proverbs 11, 14, where there is no guidance of people falls, but in an abundance of counselors, there is safety. And I would say safety, not just from outside, but safety from your own despair over how many people have criticized you.

And there are 10 people who know you, and if eight of them say, no, no, no, no, no, you have not done what they say you have done, that's a huge stabilizing force. This is especially true when assessing really serious criticism. We need to ask wise counselors whether they see in us the things we're being criticized for.

One last thing, number seven. In the end, we do what Jesus did when he was abused. This is whether it's true or not. I mean, right or wrong, when we're criticized, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. First Peter 2, 23. For us, us sinners, that means we do not pass final judgment on ourselves, and others do not pass final judgment on us.

God has the final word in Christ, and it's our only hope that he would treat us graciously because of Christ. None of us is without sin, and therefore probably there's a grain of truth in every criticism, but the gospel will keep us from sinking in despair. - Yeah, this is so important.

Thank you, Pastor John. This is good balance here to listening to criticism and then drawing in others to help parse out what criticisms are most accurate. And thank you for listening and making the podcast a part of your week. Three times a week we publish, and you can subscribe to our audio feeds and search our past episodes in our archive, and even reach us by email with a question of your own, questions as they relate to friendship and the grace of giving and receiving rebuke.

You can do all that through our online home at desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn. Well, I know a lot of you are listening on your drive to work or from work, and we spend so much of our lives invested in working. So how do we not waste our jobs? And how do we pursue excellence and pleasing God nine to five or eight to five, or whenever your shift starts and ends?

That's the question on Friday when we return. I'm your host, Tony Reinke, and thanks for joining us once again on the Ask Pastor John podcast with longtime pastor and author, John Piper. We'll see you next time. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)