(upbeat music) - Well, today we look at parenting, particularly parenting through the teen years. Parenting teens is full of pressures and challenges, and one source of those pressures are the demands and the questions put on mom and dad, for which there are no easy answers. We're trying to help our teens think for themselves with discernment in a very complex world, and it is one of the pressures that Pastor John has identified as a trigger in men of what we call a midlife crisis, a crisis that often hits a dad in his early 40s when he has teens at home.

We saw that connection in APJ 1173. Dads as leaders bear a particular calling to their homes of self-sacrificing leadership, all to avoid giving the devil a foothold in our homes. Ephesians 4, 26 and 27 raises the stakes that high when it commands us, quote, "Be angry and do not sin.

"Do not let the sun go down on your anger "and give no opportunity to the devil," end quote. High stakes. In a 2007 sermon on this text, Pastor John spoke directly to dads of teens. He began with a word on modesty, but then transitioned to talk about a dad's hardest role in parenting teenagers.

"There are spiritual dangers, brothers, "coming at our families from every side today, "innumerable and subtle. "We need valiant warriors as never before, "but not with spears and shield, "but with biblical discernment and courage. "Husbands, pray for your wife and children "every day without fail, "over and over again during the day.

"Protect them, protect them. "Lead them in paths of righteousness. "Don't let them go into temptation. "Guard their lives, make their marriages work, "make their children strong, protect them. "Oh my God, that's your job, "to call down from God, hour by hour, "blessing on this family. "That's what headship means." Prayer for them.

Then set standards for your wife and children. Work them through with your wife. Here again, primary responsibility means talk to her about it. She's probably got some better ideas than you, but taking initiative to talk is what she so longs for. Women are not eager to be dominated. They're eager for their husbands to take initiative to make things happen in the moral sphere of their marriage.

Would you please help me set some standards for these kids and then help me carry this through? She shouldn't have to say that. She wants you to step up. Let's do this together. Take some initiative. We gotta figure out what this kid's gonna watch on TV. We gotta figure out what movies they're gonna go to.

We gotta figure out what music is coming into this house, and we gotta figure out how low that neckline is going. And that's mainly your job, Dad. Now on that last one, I'm fully aware that it is mainly mom and daughter that work that out from age two months to 22.

However, Dad, they desperately need your input on this. They need you to celebrate when they get it right and look beautiful and modest. And they need you to say, "You're not going out of the house with that on." Here's another one. The Bible is very clear about one of the most dangerous intruders spiritually in the family.

Let me read it to you from Ephesians 4, 26. "Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Give no opportunity to the devil." How is the devil allowed into a teenager's bedroom? How is the devil allowed at night into a married couple's bedroom? Answer, when they go to bed angry.

If you go to bed angry night after night after night, that kid's seething at you in there and no steps at reconciliation have happened, the devil, the door, he just thrown open wide. And the havoc he can wreak over weeks, months, and years to destroy a soul, a marriage, and a family is awesome.

So what are you gonna do? I'll tell you, Dad, this is where headship is so hard no woman would ever want it. This is the hardest thing in the world. Headship means you must initiate reconciliation. No matter how many times it's been her fault or the kid's fault, you have not the luxury as head to say, "She did it, and if she doesn't say she's sorry, I'm hitting the pillow." No way.

Justice might say, "Yes, that's the right way to act." But let me ask you this, is that the way Jesus treated his bride? How many times has he come back to her and back to her? You, you, how many times he come back to you and back to you and back to you and back to you saying, "Here I am, ready to make up." A thousand times, 70 times, seven times, seven times, seven he has come back to you when it's your fault and not his.

And he took the initiative to make it right. He died to make it right. Will we husbands say, "It's her turn." Yes, we will, without the Holy Spirit. This is impossible without Christ. You don't wanna be heads, women, because I'm holding the men accountable that this family not go to bed angry at night.

You knock on that teenager's door. Oh, this can be sweet brothers. This is as hard as it gets. You knock on that door and any little increment of fault that you bear over against his many faults, you confess it. Not many things will break a teenager, but that might.

To walk in and say, "Son, my reaction to what you did was over the top. What you did was wrong. That's not the issue here. But my reaction to it was over the top. I wanna apologize and say, it wasn't in love. I just got out of control and I'm sorry.

And I'd like you to forgive me." You talk about sweet sleep. You talk about healing balms in the mind and the soul, dads. Now I'm not naive. Good night. I've been married 38 years. There are attempts at peace that don't work, all right? But you've got to try. You get down on your knees.

Noelle and I have knelt beside each other and we haven't hardly been able to pray. We just kneel there in silence. Who's gonna pray first? Neither of us feel like praying. We're so upset and these hinder your prayers big time. And you can just eke out, "God, help us.

I want it to be better." It's your job, dad. Hardest thing in the world. Keep the devil out of the bedroom and out of the kids' rooms by not letting the sun go down on your anger in as much as it lies within you. - The hardest thing in the world, initiating reconciliation.

Strong words, strong urgency, strong encouragement for all dads of teens. That was from a 2007 sermon titled, "Lionhearted and Lamb-like, What Does It Mean to Lead, Part Two?" You can find the full message at desiringgod.org. And this episode on anger reminds me of an episode from 2017. We recorded where Pastor John said, quote, "Anger kills marriages way more often than sexual misconduct does," end quote.

I remember that one. If you've been listening since 2017, you might remember that episode. That was an episode called, "The Great Marriage Killer," ABJ 1100, back in 2017. You can find ABJ 1100 at askpastorjohn.com. Maybe you were not listening in 2017, but if you've been listening for the past 18 months or so, you might remember ABJ 1699, "Why Did God Make Me Unattractive?" That became a fairly popular episode and it generated quite a lot of follow-up questions, including one we will field next time.

I'm your host Tony Rehnke, and we are rejoined in studio with Pastor John on Friday. We'll see you then. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) you