(upbeat music) - Last time in episode 347, we talked about a theology of vacations. And speaking of family vacations, how can a dad lead his family well on vacation, Pastor John? Obviously, his leadership is never put on pause. There's something of labor for him in leading on vacations. So what is a dad's aim each day?

What are the things for a dad to keep in mind to lead his family well? - Maybe the way I should respond is to say some of the things we did when our kids were little, rather than giving more biblical foundations for dad's responsibility. So yes, I'm assuming dad's leadership of the family and that it's never put on pause.

But we gotta be careful here because even when I say it's not put on pause, I don't mean that he takes responsibility for all the decisions. That is, he doesn't make all the decisions. Good leadership never means that, never means you make all the decisions. Not in business, not in church, not in politics, not in family, leadership is initiative and planning.

And inside that big picture, there are all kinds of delegation and sharings of decision-making. And a godly wife, I think, wants leadership, not micromanagement. She wants him to get off his duff and plan something rather than having to be drug here and there, always playing catch up with his wife.

That wears her out. But she's happy to bear significant decision-making responsibility inside that big picture as she and her husband work all that out in detail. So when I say his leadership never goes on pause, I don't mean he's in charge at every minute. So here's some examples from the Piper family history.

We had one son, three years later we had two sons, three years later we had three sons, and three years later we had four sons. Pretty good planning for college, right? So there were about eight years when we had four boys at home, and they can do the math to see how many we had for three and two and one.

And we took vacations all of those summers with that many kids. And we never had a lot of money, so we never did big expensive vacations where we all get on a plane and go somewhere. I don't think, I can't ever remember us all getting on a plane and going somewhere.

We borrowed cabins and we visited grandparents and we went with outings and so on. But so it was pretty simple. I don't think we're outclassing most people here. What Noel wanted from me was that I would take the initiative to get things planned. Of course, she wanted to be in on the planning, but she didn't want to have to start it all, keep it all going, work it all out.

She wanted me to say, she didn't want to have to come on May 31st and say, do you know our vacation starts tomorrow? Oh yeah, no, I did, I forgot. She did, that's terrible for a husband to act like that. He should be thinking ahead and planning. So I would start a conversation with her in the early spring and we'd work it out together.

She also wanted time on vacation when she would have some free time from the kids and from cooking. Otherwise it's not a vacation. I mean, sometimes guys think it's a vacation if you leave home. Well, no, not if you're a woman. I mean, and you care about, you know, caring for the kids and you got to cook.

And if she has to do all the same stuff on vacation she did at home, it's no vacation for her. And she knew that I wanted some time free also by myself. So very typically it worked like this. We'd go to some cabin or grandma's house or something. And in the morning until lunch, I was free to do whatever I wanted.

And Noel had the kids. So that's like four or five hours depending on when I got up, which usually meant I read. Hold myself up somewhere and read, took notes, wrote things. Then we ate lunch together and something really simple that either I could fix or get or didn't require any great preparations and super simple sandwich or something, fruit.

And I took the boys all afternoon till supper time. So four or five hours for her. And then she could go off and do her crafts. She could go to town. She could do whatever she wanted. And she didn't have any responsibilities at all. And the guys and I, we'd play, we'd go to the lake.

We'd ride bikes. I just thought of all kinds of different things that they could all do. And of course it's a challenge. They're all at different ages. And so you have to be creative and figure that out and put a little baby over on the side, hopefully enjoying the wiffle ball game a little bit.

Then we ate together in the evening when we were all together doing something that everyone could more or less do depending on the ages. And then we read our Bibles, had a Bible story, maybe watch a little video of something that would be devotional. And then the guys would go to bed about 7.30 or 8.

And I mean, of course as the teenagers got older, they didn't have schedules like that, but this is when they were younger. And Noelle and I had a couple hours just for us. So that's the way my leadership worked it out on vacation, which gave everybody some pause time, everybody some down time.

And maybe I should say just one other thing, and I could have done better here. I think part of leadership on vacation should be some surprises. If dad doesn't plan, it probably won't happen. Something that they're not expecting and that he's planned and they'll remember. It doesn't have to be many and doesn't have to be expensive, but something that's just not his dragging his feet, but he's planned.

So yes, leadership never goes on pause, but shared with his wife and everybody feels like they've had the kind of time that makes for real refreshment. - Thank you, Pastor John. And family vacations can be spiritually refreshing just as they are physically refreshing. And interestingly enough, you Pastor John, were actually saved on a family vacation as a six year old.

If you wanna hear that story, listen to Ask Pastor John episode number 158, John Piper's testimony, episode 158. Monday is Memorial Day, but we will be back to talk about adoption and especially one story of a wonderfully successful adoption that Pastor John has watched up close and personal, very close and personal.

Until then, I'm your host, Tony Reineke. Have a wonderful, extended and restful weekend. We'll see you on Monday. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)