An unidentified woman who listens to the podcast writes in, "Pastor John, I had an abortion. That is the one and only thing I knew I would never ever do, but I did it. I can't begin to detail here the grief and damage it has caused me, and I know I deserve every bit of it.

I feel as though I will always be a low-class Christian because of what I've done. I was a believer when I committed this sin, and I didn't do it to avoid disruption in my life but because I had no confidence that I could offer any quality of life to this child at the time.

In my twisted mind, I felt I was doing the child better by preventing him or her from having to suffer in a broken family or a foster home. I understand that way of thinking is absurd. I just didn't understand that at the time. I grew up in a family that was split before I was born, and I feared that my child would have that kind of life.

I just couldn't handle the thought of this. Now, I feel this is something I should always be punished for. I haven't been back to church in the years since this happened. I know I don't belong there. I don't deserve to go. I know I can be forgiven, but does God even want to forgive me for this?

Does he want me and still have the plans for me that he did before? Or are those plans gone? I am disgusted with myself. I just hope that there's still hope for me, which I know that even wanting that is selfish and unwarranted at this point. When I hear this question that's so filled with self-recrimination and doubt and fear and guilt, I want very much to introduce this woman.

I wish I knew her name. I could call her by name. I want to introduce this woman to what I have for many years called gutsy guilt. I base that term, gutsy guilt, on Micah, the prophet Micah, chapter 7, verses 8 and 9. "Rejoice not over me, O my enemy.

When I fall, I shall rise. When I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him. Until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me, he will bring me out to the light.

I shall look upon his vindication." Micah owns his sin. He owns his guilt. And the fact that he's in darkness, he's sitting there, it's under the Lord. The Lord is disciplining him. He's under God's judgment. He knows it's because of his sin. He says, "I sit in darkness. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned." He's not making any excuses.

He's not pretending this is from the devil. He knows this is from the Lord and it's awful. So he owns his sin. He owns his guilt. And then he says that, "I will sit in this darkness under the Lord's displeasure until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me." Not against me, for me.

"He will bring me out to the light. I shall look upon his vindication." Now that's amazing. This is incredibly gutsy. I am under the Lord's dark judgment and I still trust him to be my God and vindicate me. "So rejoice not over me, O my enemy. When I fall, I shall rise." That's the only way I know how to survive as a saved sinner.

Real guilt, real sorrow, real pain, real darkness under God's discipline and real gutsy faith that the very God who is disciplining me and displeased with me is on my side and will vindicate me. So that's the basic truth I'd love to build into her life. And with that as a background, what I'd like to do, and I think might be helpful, is to just take, I don't know, maybe six or seven of her little statements about herself and make a comment about them.

Number one, "I feel this is something I should always be punished for." Well, yes, it is. Abortion and every other sin is something we should always be punished for. And there is a universe of difference between "should be punished for" and "will be punished for." Gutsy gospel guilt says, "I am guilty.

I should be punished now and forever." That is the very meaning of sin and justice. And gutsy gospel guilt says, "But I will not be punished. I will not be punished because Jesus bore my punishment for me. And I have forsaken all my self-reliance and I throw myself wholly on his mercy." I think of Isaiah 53, 5, "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us." Now that's Galatians 3, 13.

And then here's Isaiah 53, "He was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. Upon him, upon him was the punishment that brought us peace. And with his wounds, we are healed." So yes, you should always be punished for your abortion. Own that guilt and then be gutsy and embrace the gospel.

And that Christ bore our sins on his body, on the cross. And now in him, God is for me, not against me. I should be punished and I won't be punished. That's my response to that first comment. Here's the second one. I know I don't belong at church. I don't deserve to go.

If the only people who belong at church are those who deserve to be with God's people in his presence, worshiping and growing in him, nobody would belong to church. Nobody would go to church. When Paul described the members of the church in Corinth, he listed their sins like this.

The sexually immoral, the idolaters, adulterers, men who practice homosexuality, thieves, greedy drunkards, revilers, swindlers, none of them will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus. The only people who belong in church are sinners who are washed and justified by faith.

So no, you don't deserve to go to church. That's why you should go, because church is the one institution in the universe designed for people who don't deserve to be there. That's the meaning, that's the meaning of gospel churches. Number three, I'm disgusted with myself. Well that's fine. To look back on abortion and not be disgusted would be a sign of sickness.

To see it with disgust is a sign of health. Unless there is gutsy disgust, you'll collapse. See, gospel disgust is not paralyzed. It gives up on self and walks into the power of grace. All of us are disgusting and we should not run from it, but through it into God's grace.

Number four, I just hope that there's still hope for me. Good, because there is hope for you. Paul says in Romans 15, "For everything in the scriptures is written so that sinners might have hope." Hope is the one thing you can always be sure pleases the Lord. I love Psalm 147.11.

The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love. He loves people, he delights in people who turn away from themselves and hoping in the strength of the horse or the legs of a man and hope in him. Number five, hoping that there is hope is selfish.

Well, it would be selfish if you just wanted to use God to get a relieved conscience. But if you want forgiveness because you want God, that's not selfish. That's what you were made for. And it honors God, not you. It honors God. God is glorified when you want to be satisfied in God.

Number six, hoping that there's hope is unwarranted. No, that's false. That's just false. Hope is not unwarranted. It is infinitely warranted, but not by your goodness, but by the blood of Jesus. If you stand before God and hope to get into his presence with joy forever, and he says this, "What warrant can you have for hoping that I would receive you?" The answer is the blood and righteousness of your son.

My Savior is my only warrant. That's true. There is no warrant for hope in us. There is infinite warrant in the blood of Jesus. So that's a false statement that your hope is unwarranted. It is not unwarranted. And here's the last statement. Does God want me and have good plans for me?

And the answer is in the last chapter of the Bible, as though God wanted it to be the last thing ringing in our ears. Last chapter of the Bible, verse 17, Revelation 22. The Spirit and the bride say to you, "Come, and let the one who is thirsty come.

Let the one who desires take the water of life without price." So if you're thirsty for God, he invites you. He wants you. And when you come to him, he has plans for you. Your life will not be wasted if you come to him. I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.

Plans for welfare, not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Amen. Gutsy, gospel, guilt. This is so very relevant for every single listener of this podcast. Thank you, Pastor John, for that, and to the woman who was brave enough, really, to write it in and to share this story from her life.

We thank you for asking this question and for being honest with how you worded what you're struggling with. This is the type of situation we address in the podcast. We deal with things honestly and with gospel hope. And of course, we publish three times a week. You can subscribe to our audio feeds to keep up with what we're talking about, and you can search our episode archive, even reach us by email with a difficult question you might be facing in life.

You can do all of that through our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn. Well, we're going to break for the weekend, and we return on Monday to look at 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 5. The passage says that a husband and wife should, quote, "not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer." End quote.

So a listener has a gutsy question from that passage. Does that mean that a sex life can intrude on our prayer life? You've asked the question, and it's worth taking a closer look. I'm your host, Tony Reinke. We'll see you on Monday.