Podcast listener Angel writes in, "Pastor John, I grew up as a Christian and I always planned to marry a good Christian man that brought me closer to God, held me accountable, and shared the same beliefs. I'll skip all of the details on how I got to this point. I ended up marrying someone that claimed to be a Christian but who lives a lifestyle contrary to the one founded on Christian values.

I'm at a loss. He doesn't want a divorce and I don't want to live in sin. I know Paul teaches that we are to stay with our unbelieving spouse, but were those God's words? I don't believe that divorce is pleasing to God, but I don't know that my marriage is either." Pastor John, what would you say to Angel?

Wow. This is huge. This has so many dimensions, and not to mention the sadness and the heaviness that's in that sentence. I'm not going to go into all the details. So please, Angel, know that I've tasted enough trouble in marriage and I've listened to enough people with trouble that I don't make light of anything you've said here.

Everything I have to say, I say with a sense of gravity. What should we say? It seems like at the heart, I mean, the first issue I've just got to deal with are her words, "I know Paul teaches that we are to stay with our unbelieving spouse, but were those God's words?" Now, I'm not sure what she's saying there, but I'm going to tackle a problem that she might be addressing, because in the passage of Scripture in 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul teaches on this, he says, "Not I but the Lord," in one case, and "I not the Lord," in another.

I wonder if Angel is wondering, is Paul just giving his opinion here, and these are not God's words? So let me read this and tackle that issue for just a few minutes. It says in 1 Corinthians 7.10, "To the married I give this charge, 'Not I but the Lord.'" Not I but the Lord.

"The wife should not separate from her husband, but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, and the husband should not divorce his wife." And then he says, "To the rest," this is verse 12, "To the rest I say, 'I, not the Lord.'" And that's what I'm wondering she's asking about, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.

And if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. That's what she's referring to, and she wonders, are those God's words or just Paul's words? And I'm going to give four reasons why I believe they are God's words and Paul's words.

Number one, Paul was recognized as one of the authoritative apostles of the risen Lord to speak on his behalf in Galatians 2. When they saw, Paul said, "That I had been entrusted with the gospel to the uncircumcised," just as Peter had been entrusted with the gospel to the circumcised, for he who worked through Peter for his apostolic ministry to the circumcised worked also through me for mine to the Gentiles.

Paul believed that he was, and others credited him as being, one of the authorized apostles to speak for the risen Christ. Number two, at the end of this unit in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 40, I believe, Paul claims to have the Spirit of God in what he's teaching. He says, "I think that I too have the Spirit of God." He's saying that over the whole chapter.

Number three, in chapter 14, verse 37, Paul writes with the incredible claim of authority of the Lord when he says, "If anyone thinks that he is a prophet or spiritual, he should acknowledge that the things I am writing to you are a command of the Lord. If anyone does not recognize, he is not recognized." So Paul has this enormous claim on the most practical issues to be speaking with the authority of Christ that even prophets should submit to.

The last point on this is regarding "I, not the Lord." Here's what he says. So verse 10, "I, not the Lord," refers, I think, to the fact that in the one case, he has an actual explicit teaching from the historical Jesus as we have it in the Gospels, whereas in the second case, when he's talking about marriage to an unbeliever, he doesn't have any explicit teaching from the historical Jesus in the Gospels.

And so he's saying, "I'm rendering my apostolic authoritative judgment on that. I don't have anything to quote from Jesus." So in Mark chapter 10, he has this, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." So Paul has a clear word.

Evidently, he had access to this tradition that was recorded in the Gospel of Mark. But when it comes to, well, tell us whether that applies to being married to an unbeliever. You can read all four Gospels and you won't find Jesus addressing that. And so Paul, I think, is saying, "I, not the Lord," in the sense that the Lord has spoken in his historical life on this issue.

But he speaks, "If any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him." So when she asked, "Did God say this?

Is this God's will?" My answer is yes. Now here's the one other thing I think we need to deal with in her question. She writes, "He doesn't want divorce. My husband doesn't want divorce. And I don't want to live in sin." Oh, I wish I knew what she meant there.

I don't believe that divorce is pleasing to God, but I don't know that my marriage is either. So I need to know what she means when she's saying, "I don't want to live in sin." So now I'm going to assume something. This is really important. I'm going to assume that you are not talking about a case where your life or the life of your children is threatened or a situation where he may be beating you.

In that case, you should seek safety from your friends, a church, and you should bring in the authorities, church and civil, to restrain him. So I'm going to assume that's not what she's talking about when she says that somehow she might be drawn into sin here. So with regard to that general point, should she ever let herself be drawn into sin by somehow being a good wife?

And my answer is 1 Peter 3, 1-6 makes it very clear that being a faithful, submissive Christian wife does not mean you should ever follow your husband into sin. The whole point of that passage is that a woman has a new Lord, Jesus, above her husband, and she's trying to win her husband to join her in that allegiance to Jesus.

So if your husband is asking of you that you do things that are sinful, you should say to him humbly something like this, "I would love to follow your lead in this marriage, but when you ask me to do something that is sin, you're asking me to offend the one who has an even greater authority in my life than you have.

They need Jesus, and I cannot do it." I think that is a submissive way not to walk into sin. She says, "I wonder if my marriage is pleasing to the Lord." And I would just say, and this might be the last thing we can tackle, I would just say that you should focus not on whether your marriage is pleasing to the Lord, but on whether you are.

So here are just a few encouragements. Number one, 1 Peter 3, 1 to 6, addresses your situation exactly. It gives guidance for you in trying to win a husband who does not obey the Word. It doesn't answer every question. I know that. It will leave questions unanswered. But the Lord has given it to us, and it's a gift to us in marriage.

Second encouragement, the Lord promises to give you all the grace you need to be pleasing to Him yourself. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so having all sufficiency in all things, at all times you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9, 8, whatever your husband does, thinks, feels, God looks to you alone for whether you are walking in sin, not your husband.

Number three, marriage is a parable of covenant faithfulness, not covenant bliss. Your faithfulness to your vows is pleasing to the Lord, no matter how much sadness is in your heart or in His heart. It tells the truth. This covenant keeping, your marriage is telling the truth about Christ and His church as a covenant keeping Christ and church.

And fourth, things can change, even after many years, yes, they can. So now unto Him who is able to do far more abundantly than you ask or think according to the power at work within us. So don't make your faithfulness depend on your husband's change, but do keep hoping and praying for it.

Keep knocking on the door of heaven. And the last thing, last encouragement I would give is this, even if your marriage falls short of your hopes to the end, and which marriage doesn't, God will reward your faithfulness in the age to come a thousandfold. Whatever good anyone does, Ephesians 6, 8, whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord.

Your husband and your friends may have no idea how many sacrifices you have made in order to love your husband as well as you can, but God knows every single one of them. And He says, "You will be repaid." All our trials are working for us in eternal weight of glory.

Beautiful Pastor John, that is wonderfully hope-filled counsel. Thank you. Well, what is love exactly? Pastor John recently answered that question in episode 650, and tomorrow he will explain why God's love is a radical, counterintuitive love that you'll never get from Hollywood. For everything related to this podcast, go to our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

And there you can send us a question like this one today from Angel. I'm your host Tony Reinke. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye.