We are here with another episode of Curious Mike out here in San Diego with my guy Ben Newman. Appreciate you pulling up on me, my guy. Appreciate you, man. So, you know, obviously we've known each other for a while. I remember meeting you back in Mizzou while I was there for that year.

But I play basketball and you obviously are in a different field. You work with some hoopers, but kind of tell us a little bit about what you do. Well for me, it's all the mental side, right? So in business and in sports, it's working with individuals on what it takes to embrace the mental side.

And I know this is supposed to be about me, but you talk about the mental side. I'm just so proud of everything you've accomplished and how you've embraced the challenge and adversity. Yeah. That's really what I do every day. It's helping people embrace challenge and adversity to write their ultimate story.

Right. And you've had some pretty awesome chapters that have come after adversity. And so that's what I work every day with, is just helping people embrace that to write those next chapters and ultimately their story. Yeah. It's unbelievable, man. I mean, coming through all that adversity. Do you have any stories from kind of when we met or any stories during our time in Mizzou of me that you like would remember?

Because you were always around, but I didn't always, obviously you saw everything. Do you have any stories? Oh, yeah. So first one is, so I was a hooper back in the day, as you know, however, I can shoot a little bit. I was slow. So I had a couple D3 opportunities, but ended up going to Michigan State to watch them win a title.

But being a shooter, I was always impressed with shooters. So one of the first things was I thought when I came to the first practice, my first day, you were at the top of the key and you hit 19 straight three pointers. And what went through my mind, it wasn't necessarily the 19.

It was the number of shots that this young man must have taken in order to put yourself in position to hit 19 straight three pointers. Right. So I always look at work ethic, like what allows somebody to achieve what they achieve? And so number one was the work ethic.

And then the second story, which is, you know, painful, but, you know, the pain is what leads us to our growth was I remember the first game. Yeah. I remember Iowa State. Right. I mean, everybody's excited. Everybody's energized. And I remember you came up to me in the locker room and you're like, bro, I don't I don't know if I can go.

Yeah. And I mean, the emotion was in your face. Your back was killing you. And I just admired the fact that you put it on the line for the team that night. You made it about the team. Yeah. And you attempted to go out there knowing the pain that you were in and we know what happened afterwards.

But then to come back into battle to, you know, when we were playing Tennessee in the NCAA tournament that year. Yeah. I think about that. And, you know, it's one of those things like you got heart, you got guts, you got fight in you. Yeah. That's why you're achieving what you're achieving.

But those are the things that I remember. You know, it's the hard work, but then it's the mindset that you have. That's crazy, because I remember that vividly to that that game. And I remember coming up to you because I was like, huh, he's such a good speaker. What if he could just speak it into me?

What if he could say something, make the pain go away? Because I knew like you were you had that. So. So, yeah, I remember that. And then. But now it was just too much. Like the few days leading up to that game, it was getting worse and worse. So by that time, it was it was it was impossible to play.

But I mean, you were in my corner the entire time through the rehab process, you know, then going into the draft. And then, you know, our relationship kind of changed because I reached out to you one one day and I was like, man, I'm going through this. I forget what it was, but I was like, could you could you just send me messages daily?

This was many years ago, bro. I was like, can you send me messages to encourage me daily? And ever since then, every single morning I wake up to a text from you. I don't think even as one morning saying something motivational, something for the day. And that's unbelievable, because I mentioned it one time.

And I know a lot of people, they will like you talk about it all the time. They'll talk the talk or they'll say, yeah, I'll do this for you, whatever. But then they never follow through or they might feel like a week. It's been every single day. Like how did you get that consistency about you or just that routine?

I mean, like those texts are coming in at two or three a.m.. You know what I'm saying? Like, how did you my favorite text to the ones where you say things to me like, bro, what time did you go to bed last night, bro? What time did you wake up?

It's unbelievable. Well, you know, it's one of those things I'm driven by embracing your everyday opportunity. And you know my story. I mean, I shared it with you guys the first time that I spoke at Mizzou and Konzo brought me in, which was such a blessing being able to, you know, work with you guys that year.

And my mom passed away 11 days before my eighth birthday. My parents were divorced when I was six months old. So all I've ever known is challenge and adversity. I'm a 42 year old man. My mother passed away at 38 from a rare muscle disease. There's still no cure for.

So every day past 38 has been a gift that God has given me. So if I have a blessing of having a relationship with somebody like you and you ask me to help you with something, I'm going to be there to help you. And that's all. That's all I know.

And I think the world, unfortunately, there are too many people, as you just referenced, they like to talk, but the action tells the real story. And so our real relationship comes from, can you call me in a bind and I'm going to be there for you? Oh, well, Mike, I'll call you in a few days.

I'm busy. No, no, I'm going to be there for you because that's the relationship that we have. And I think that's what life is all about. And I think there's too many people who talk rather than driving action and building relationships because that's what life's about. No doubt. And you do a great job of helping us.

I mean, those Mizzou days, me now, I know you talked to a lot of teams still, but like you personally, as your own individual, how did you get to the point where you were making these life habits of, like, I remember not too long ago there was a fight.

I think it ended at like 12 a.m. I still get my text from you at 3 a.m. Like, I'm like, bro, did you sleep? I just saw you on TV at the fight. How did you get that in you where you were just, that one in full disclosure, I'm going to tell the people I sent the text before I went to bed that night because I was still up.

And I'm like, I was thinking to myself, I mean, am I going to wake up in an hour and send my messages? And I'm like, no, no, I'm sending them before I go to bed. So that was one night where I had to do that because I do have to get some sleep.

But a lot of the discipline is it's wanting to maximize every single day, right? So for you, you have a choice, right? You have earned everything that you've had. You fought through all the adversity because you made a choice. Here's how I'm going to work. And oftentimes it's not the work that the nuggets ask you to do.

It's the unrequired work. It's the extra work. You know, my guy, Messer, I mean, I remember speaking to his team at SIUE when he played back in the day years ago, they would bring me in to speak and you know, it's the work that you guys put in, in the gym.

That's what gets it done. And so for me, it's the little things that I've been blessed to have coaches and mentors in my life who have helped me understand if you do the little things every day and you keep stacking those habits every day, day after day after day, from my nutrition to my health, to how I show up for my family and my kids, to how I work.

If we just take it one day at a time and choose to win one day at a time, you will have success. And I think a lot of people, they get so caught up in, I want the result, give me the result right now. Oh, just give it to me right now.

As opposed to, are you willing to do what it takes every day in order to achieve that result? And most people, they don't have that consistency. And I believe one more thing, we have to be the example. We have to be the example. You can't talk about it if you're not doing it.

I mean, there would be a different level of respect, or maybe we wouldn't be sitting here if I didn't show up in my life and have discipline. Because how could you and I have a conversation about discipline if I was completely undisciplined? There would just be a different level of respect, and so I feel like you have to be an example of showing up and doing the things.

How could I have a conversation with you about discipline if I'm undisciplined? Exactly. So man, I know a lot of people, they want to make these life habits, these new changes, but then you know everyone, we're human. So I don't know if you ever have off days, but when people have a bad day or they feel like they lost the day, how do you, when you're so driven by a standard and you're putting these streaks together, whatever it is, and you have a bad day, how do you kind of bounce back from that guilt and not let one bad day turn into, "Oh, I'm going to just give it all up"?

Because a lot of people do that. They make these New Year's resolutions. They might do good for like a week, and then they fall off for a day, and now it's kind of hard to get back on the right path. What do you say to people like that? For me, it's about the shifting of perspective, right?

As tough as it is on the ears, I go back to my mother coming to the dining room table with an IV stand while we had 24-hour nursing care in our house, her last year living, to ask my older brother Drew and I how our days were at school.

So if my mother was able to do that, what's really a bad day for me? So I just shift the perspective. I call that the power to reframe, right? It's our ability to focus on the solution rather than the problem, and I think that's the opportunity. It doesn't mean I don't have bad days.

I still have two coaches. I read books every day. I have mentors, so I'm high maintenance, right? I have issues. I have problems. I have struggles, but I have people there to help me. So number one, I think it's acknowledging it's okay to have challenge and adversity. I have it all the time, but I have those confidants and individuals that I reach out to who help me get through it.

I think anytime we try to manage it alone, that's where we get in trouble. That's why I admire when you'll pick up the phone and call me, "Hey, let's talk through something." Right? If you try to do it by yourself, you take it on to the court. So my goal in a conversation like that is I want to provide peace of mind for you.

Let's leave it off the court so you can step onto the court, have intentional focus, lock in, and play your game. I think, like you said, the ability to reframe is so much more easier said than done, but it really is a choice. I think a lot of people, especially in today's age, I don't know if it's the social media or what it is, but they have a hard time with anxiety, like choosing their thoughts.

Is that kind of like a muscle, like you have to just do it over and over and then you get better at kind of choosing to think positive, or is it just getting off your phone? I think this is it for me. Kind of getting off my phone, going into quiet space, and just sitting, and then kind of changing perspectives.

Because it's hard. Like you say it all the time. Eliminate distractions. Is that the only way you can really do it, you think? Yeah. I mean, you just said it. You've identified, "I have to put my phone away if I'm actually going to free my mind." Right. So most people know, "You should probably put your phone away." Yeah.

Then what do most people do? They don't put their phone away. So you've identified, "Okay, here's the shift I have to make in my environment if I'm actually going to clear my mind." I think that's common for any ... We all know what we need to do, but do we actually choose to do the things we know we need to do to have a clear mind to perform, or to give ourself that peace, or to be able to push away?

Isn't that funny, though? We always say, for a lot of people that struggle with social media use or whatever, "When I get off social media, I feel the best I've ever felt." But then we always end up going back to some of the destructive things in our life. I don't know where that comes from.

I know there's a quote that says, "A lot of times we are more afraid of our true light and potential than we are of our darkness. We feel more comfortable in our old bad habits and the things we used to do." Which is kind of a crazy thought, you know what I mean?

Some people are so ... It's actually hard for them to evolve and become their better self because it's just uncomfortable. You talk about that. People don't like being uncomfortable. It's easier to be comfortable. It's easier to just live in comfort. It's hard to be uncomfortable. It's hard to do something repeatedly over and over and over again.

There's a point when you train, you're going to reach a wall. People's greatest growth comes when you push through that wall. Then when that uncomfortable becomes comfortable, then it's the choice, "Can I get to uncomfortable again?" That's where greatness really comes through. It's that constant pursuit of being uncomfortable.

When most people just want to stay comfortable, they reach a point of being content. I know these types of conversations, it's hard for people sometimes. They're like, "Oh my goodness, this is kind of freaking me out a little bit." But we all have it in us in order to get to that place, but you have to choose to go there.

Once you test yourself, you realize what you have, you realize you perform at a higher level. More confidence comes. That confidence shows up in all areas of your life. It just feels good. If you're not doing what you know you need to do to feel good, that doesn't feel good.

People seek that sometimes. Yeah. You said on the way here, you woke up at one o'clock to get your workout in because you knew you're going to perform your best. You got to get your workout in. When you went to go speak in Orlando. I think you brought that up one time about being uncomfortable.

I actually took that and I tried to apply it. I hate cold tubs. You sent me a text one time and you were like, "Uncomfortability," or whatever the word is, "speeds up the process of mental toughness." I took that and I was like, "I'm going to try to make myself as uncomfortable as I can be in my workouts or my recovery," whatever it is.

It really is true. When you push yourself, even in the weight room, if you throw on to where you can barely lift it when it's uncomfortable, that's how you really get stronger. You know what I'm saying? That's a fact. That's another moment. I remember when you were coming back from your rehab, I remember when I would come for lifts and Nick is pushing everybody as he always does, keeping everybody uncomfortable.

I remember you had the iPad tracking everybody, but you were still getting a little bit in. I knew there was something special about your ability to stay uncomfortable when you'd grab some weights. Even though you probably weren't supposed to be doing it, you're like, "I'm going to push a little bit.

I'm going to push a little bit." See, that's a choice. It was a choice for you to push yourself there. It was a choice for you to get inside the cold tub. What a lot of people don't realize is those little decisions and choices. My mother taught me the greatest life lesson I've ever learned before she passed away.

It's not how long you live, it's how you choose to live your life. Most people don't realize when you choose to get in the cold tub, you're manufacturing a 35-point game. When you eat right, and I know how important nutrition is to you because I used to make smoothies for you in the weight room too, so I know the nutrition, you're manufacturing by eating right a 32-point game, a 17-rebound night, a new contract that you signed.

All those little things manufacture, but most people aren't willing to consistently show up and do those things. It's gotten to the point, like you said, I don't even feel ... I don't feel comfortable now unless I'm uncomfortable. I mean, you're probably the same way. Unless you see the growth every day, you're not going to feel like yourself.

You have a good saying, you text it to me every Friday, "Champions create distance on Fridays." Where does that come from? That came from ... All my work actually started corporately. My speaking, I've been doing this for 15 years. Everything was corporate from '06 until 2011, until my old high school basketball coach in 2011 called me, his name was Todd Basler, and he said, "Benny Boy," he still calls me Benny Boy to this day, "Benny Boy, these guys are underperforming.

Come and talk to them. Will you come talk to these guys for me?" They were playing Parkway Central, Central was ranked 10th, Ledoux was unranked, and I came and I fired these guys up, and they knock off Parkway Central, and I'm hooked. That's when all my work in sports started.

Then it became the sports analogies and business kind of blending it together, and then it just hit me. I've been saying it for eight or nine years now, it's every Friday, "Champions create distance on Fridays." Most people, what do they do? If we're talking about an eight to five, they show up, I can't wait to clock out, they're already thinking about the weekend, and then they get to Saturday, and they're so disappointed in themselves that they didn't work on Friday, which then creates stress for Monday.

Yet the highest performers say, "If today's a work day, I'm going to attack that work day. I'm going to create distance from the people." Maybe that's creating a promotion. It's a manufacturing ... It's manufacturing. Their next opportunity, and so champions tend to do the little bit extra when other individuals stay content, and they hold back from doing what's needed.

Yeah, no doubt. It's crazy, because people will take those days off, those Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays. Then they're stressed out come Monday. You come stressed out, or even in basketball, like I've noticed this. If I take two days off on the weekend, you come back and you lost a little bit of the ground you gained.

Even if you go in for a little bit, touch shots, feel the ball, you're going to retain some of the stuff you worked on through the week, but if you just take the whole weekend off, at least for me, I can't. I don't come back the same come Monday, and then it takes Tuesday and Wednesday.

By Wednesday, I'll feel back normal, and then ... You know what I mean? If you're just consistent every day, that's the way to do it. For this conversation, all I had to do was go through our text, and I got stuff I wanted to ask you about. Another one you talk about is no undue pressure.

You text me this before games, you'll say, "Eliminate distractions and no undue pressure." What do you mean by that? When you step onto the court, the last thing I want you thinking about is I have to have a 35-point night. I have to hit six three-pointers tonight. That's thinking about the result that you cannot control.

If you do your preparation, which we know how hard you work off the court in those unseen hours, as our guy Drew Hamlin likes to say, in those unseen hours, then you're prepared for the game. Why should there be pressure? Why should there be stress? Why should you worry about your point?

You've already put in the work. You just need to play loose, attack those 48 minutes, give it everything that you've got, one possession at a time. Don't put any pressure on yourself. Don't put the pressure on yourself. Eliminate all distractions so that there's peace of mind when you get onto the court.

We've had conversations, right? Times where things are challenging, your mind's racing a little bit. When we can quiet the mind, it allows you to attack at your highest level. It's crazy how that works. The freer you are, the higher you can perform, if you've put in the work beforehand.

That's the key, though, if you've put in the work, because once the game starts, you can look the man across from you, and if you know he hasn't prepared, you can see it in his eyes, you will have 35 points. I will attack every possession, you're not going to stop me tonight, because I can see in your eyes you have not worked the way that I work, and that's a massive advantage that you can have as an athlete.

Man, especially at this level, because it's all about -- at the NBA level, it's not about the skill. Everyone's skilled. There's more skilled players than others, but it's way more about who has the mental edge, and that only comes from the work you put in. I remember my rookie year, people were like, "Why is he shooting that shot?" I knew I shot that shot way more times than anyone else on the court was putting in the work, you know what I mean?

You just feel more confident in yourself, and that's the way to do it. You just came out with a book, bro, On Common Leadership. You talk about the way the best leaders lead. Talk about that, because you're obviously a leader of leaders, you know what I'm saying? You talk to a lot of people, help a lot of people.

What are your tips for being a good leader? Do you think it needs to be vocal, by example? What are your biggest things? >> So, there's -- I would say there's five common things, themes, so I wanted to honor 11 leaders that have impacted my life, because the blessing in my work is, you know, you can say these things, I've helped you.

You inspire me, right? Your work every day, you fighting through challenge and adversity. When I see pain in your eyes, but you fight through it, that inspires me, right? So, it's an iron sharpens iron, so I wanted to honor 11 people that have impacted my life, how I show up, and 11 amazing leaders that I've worked with, and there's five things that they had in common.

Number one, they do what I call the unrequired. They're willing to do that little bit extra, like we talk about. Everybody knows what's required for you to win the day, to be your best, but the individuals who do that little bit extra, they're the ones -- a little bit extra every day, you keep stacking those days, makes a profound difference.

Number two, they connect to the burn. They understand what drives them, so for me, when I wake up, I think about my mother every single day. Literally, on my phone, my alarm on my phone, it says my mother's name, Jan Fishman Newman. I wear a bracelet that says legacy.

I have a little journal. I write Jan Fishman Newman Lake every morning, and that's what the highest performers do. They connect to that burn. They also live to the standard. They don't allow their feelings to dictate how they show up, so if I were to text you before a game, "Oh, you went for 35 last night.

Go do it again." We're living in the past of your feelings, as opposed to, same thing, nothing changes, no undue pressure, eliminate distractions, one possession at a time, just go cut it loose and be you. So that's a standard that you've created for you to have the right mindset when you step on the court.

- Yeah, I want to pause you right there, because Giannis, I think he is a professional at doing that. Nikola Jokic is another one. It doesn't matter if they play good, bad, whatever, they're not thinking about that once the game's over. They're their same self. If they have 50 points, they're not getting too high, because then it's going to affect how they play the next game.

I know a lot of athletes, they'll have a good game, but then they'll be really high for a second, but then they're kind of scared for the next game, because I've got to outdo what I just did, or match it, and then they end up tripping, or not having a good game.

But like you said, when you can move on from that previous performance, or maybe be happy, but then once you go home, you sleep, wake up the next day, it's all over again. You've got to do it again. That, I feel like, is a big key for athletes to be consistent in their performances.

- And that goes to the fourth principle, which is to lock in. You've got to lock in consistently. It's not occasionally. So you now understand, you have to be happy for yourself. You had a great game, team wins a game, great team effort, great contribution, but the next day you've got to lock in again.

That's what the greatest champions do. You just said it. You've got to go back to work the next day. And then the last thing, it's a transfer of belief. They believe in themselves, and they believe in the individuals around them. So there's a great belief you have in yourself, because for all of us, I always say, everything you need is already in you, meaning God gave it to you, but you've got to choose to go and take it.

So that's a belief you have, I'm going to go take this every day. A lot of people don't choose to do that. But then you also have an opportunity through your example to lead other people on the team, to lead other people in your life, your brothers and sisters and your big, beautiful family, to be an example.

Hey, go take yours too, because you would do it for them. I know how much you love your family. You would do it for the whole family. But the reality is, you've got to take care of yours, but be a great example for them to do it for themselves.

- No doubt. And obviously, this is the last question, everyone's not a leader. Not everyone can do, put in the work like we do, they just don't have it in them. But if you had, well, I mean, they might, but it's tough. But if you had three things you could tell the young people, or that you see the younger generation, three habits they could change to kind of improve themselves, you know, people that just want to get out of that rut, you know, that cycle of whatever it is, what would they be?

I know one for me, at least, I started waking up early, you inspire me a little bit earlier than I have to. - Don't wake up as early as me, though, you need more sleep. - But just a little bit earlier, you know, 6.30 or 7 a.m., before I have to really do stuff to get that time to lock in and think.

That's a big one for me. What would you say is three habits? - Well, I think a morning routine would be one. So we'll steal your answer, 'cause that is definitely one. Number two, I think, step into the fire. You know, too many people, they see the fire of life and they run.

You know, so don't do it by yourself, but have great mentors, have great coaches. My basketball coach, who I mentioned earlier, that man has mentored me now for over 25 years. He's still one of the biggest blessings in my life. I mean, other books I've written, he's a character in books that I've written, I mean, this man has helped mold me.

But I need him to get through challenge and adversity, right? So don't go into that fire alone. And then number three, have great habits. And understand that consistency is not couple days in a row here, and then I'm gonna stop, and then a couple good days, no, consistency's every day.

You mentioned it earlier, it's every day. - Even on the weekends? Do you get a day off? - So for me, I have a crazy workout that I do, and today, this morning, was actually my 823rd straight day doing this workout. It's 45 minutes, it's 10 different exercises, it's 250 air squats unbroken, planking for almost 10 minutes, all these crazy things.

But I do that 'cause I'm an old man, I gotta keep up with you and try to stay fresh with you young guys. But for me, it's every day. I don't necessarily recommend that to anybody, but for me, I will share with you, I feel great. I haven't had any, I'm a 42-year-old man, I haven't had any injuries in 823 straight days.

So I'm not saying that's the answer for everybody, go consult your physician, but I think to get your body moving, it makes you feel good. It makes you confident. So all the habits, whether it's your working out, whether it's being present and focused with your family, whether it's getting your work in, we can all choose to focus on what's gonna make us win one day at a time, and that's a choice.

>> That's true, man. You motivate me. I know a lot of people watching this, they got a lot of wisdom today. I appreciate you being on Curious Mike. >> Appreciate you. >> Yes, sir. >> Rap. >> Stay tall, stay tall. Don't lean, don't lean, don't lean. Let's go first.

Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. Nod your mouth. All right, don't swing your back. Control. Yeah, that's one. Yeah, come on. Come on, come on, head up, head up. Two. Control, control. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. One. Two. Control. Come on, up.

Up, up, up, no. Five. Three. Come on, give me two more. Go. Four. Last one. Bam. Last one. Bam. Last one. Bam. Last one.