(upbeat music) - Welcome back to the Ask Pastor John podcast. We're joined again by special guest, Matt Chandler, the lead pastor at the Village Church in Dallas. Matt is the author of the new book, The Mingling of Souls, God's Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and Redemption. And I've got 10 questions from singles on relationships queued up for Matt, and we're working through them.

On to question number six. Matt, do you think it's wise for a boyfriend to lead his girlfriend? Should a dating relationship reflect the complimentary structure of marriage to any degree? It seems biblically and practically wise, but it also seems covenantally inappropriate at this stage. What would you say? - Yeah, I would, there's no doubt that a boyfriend should lead, quote unquote, his girlfriend in some ways.

But definitely not to the degree that a husband leads his wife. So what I possess when it comes to the covenant I'm in with Lauren is headship, right? I have, I've been called by God to lead, to cover, to provide, to protect in ways overlawn that a boyfriend is not in covenant relationship with his girlfriend.

However, he should be leading her in regards to godliness, encouraging her in regards to her giftedness. I think he should be encouraging her in prayerfulness, encouraging her towards an understanding and growing knowledge of the word of God. He should take responsibility and the lead in the areas that as they get to know each other are clear that she wants.

So I think, and so I gotta be careful here 'cause I think I have, I can get my own preferences mixed up in this, so I wanna be real careful. So let me just kinda put a little asterisk here and go, I believe being married to Lauren, like what Lauren wants from me is for me to go, hey, would you like to go out Thursday?

Yes, and then what she wants is for me to say, hey, we're gonna go to dinner and we're gonna do this. She doesn't want me to come home Thursday night and say, so what do you wanna do? And so for a boyfriend to be saying, hey, let's go have dinner, let's sit, for him to lead out in protection of their purity, for him to lead out in their growing understanding of what their relationship is, I think the man should be driving those things even as a boyfriend.

- Very good, thank you. On to question number seven, speaking of sexual purity, what are a couple of practical helps for staying sexually pure in a dating relationship that actually work? - Yeah, that's a funny, to me this question of purity, it feels, and again, I've been married for 15 years, but it feels like common sense.

So one of the things I've said at The Village on repeat is nothing good has ever come out of, hey, let's watch a movie at my apartment starting at 11 o'clock at night. Cuddling on the couch watching a movie from 11 to one has never ended in a discussion about cinematography in the history of the ability to watch a movie on the couch.

And so to put yourself in that position to begin with is a foolish one. And so really what works is being in public, guarding space alone, not putting yourself in situation. I think that singles have a tendency to think more highly of their self-control than they should. And so I just think dating in groups or dating, just being in public is important.

And we see that in the song. And so I bring this up in the song of song that you've got this growing desire to physically be intimate. And yet she describes their dates as being under this canopy of leaves and on this rug of grass. They're outside, they're at a park, they're in a forest, they're somewhere that's in the public eye because they've got this growing passion to physically be intimate.

And yet it's clear that they don't wanna awaken love before it's time. And so they've positioned themselves publicly so as to not give themselves over to their lusts. - That's very wise and practical. Thank you, Matt. And tomorrow we will look at question number eight and nine on the list and talk about signs that maybe a single is just not ready to be dating.

I'm your host Tony Reinke. Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)