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Choose from a great selection of digital coupons and use them up to five times in one transaction. Check our app for details. Ralph's. Fresh for Everyone. Welcome to Radical Personal Finance, a show dedicated to providing you with the knowledge, skills, insight, and encouragement you need to live a rich and meaningful life now, while building a plan for financial freedom in 10 years or less.

My name is Joshua Sheets. I'm your host. Recently, I completed a 17-part series on how to invest into your children at a young age. This series discussed an important theme for me, which is simply that you can spend money and invest money effectively into children at a very young age in many ways other than buying mutual funds for their retirement or for their college, etc.

Nothing wrong with college plans, retirement funds, etc., but that shouldn't be the first thing that you do with your money. And if you have to choose between doing some of the investments that I talked about and a college fund, you should choose the investments that I talked about. If you can do both, do both.

Now, as I was getting towards the end of that series, I wanted to finish it. And so frankly, I just hurried to finish it because I wanted to finish it up. I didn't want to lag on. I didn't want to lose listeners who don't care about it and wanted some other content.

So I hurried just a little bit to finish it. And as I reflected on it in the weeks after closing out that series, I realized there were several topics that are too important for me to not come back and append to that series. And so in today's episode, we're going to begin with the first one that I neglected to cover as far as an investment.

I'm leading off with this one because it is a very significant expenditure of money that also makes a very significant difference in the lifestyle of your children. To put it very succinctly, if you want to invest into your children effectively, you should invest into the social climate and environment of which your children grow up, in which your children grow up.

Invest into the social climate and environment in which your children grow up. Now, there are many ways to do it. And of course, you will go quickly in your own mind to the things that are applicable to you. But we need to not skip past the obvious, but rather stop and acknowledge it.

And recognize that the children, the peers that surround your own children, will make a massive difference in your children's lives. Success gurus for years have said that more or less, we pretty much model, or we're very similar to the five people that we spend the most time around. And I think that's absolutely true.

That if we look at your life on virtually any dimension, and we make a list of the five people, the five friends that you spend the most time with, we will come away from that list recognizing that you reflect the average of those people. We could measure this financially.

And while there may be one or two outliers, somebody who's unusually wealthy or unusually poor in general, you spend time with people that are at a similar amount of wealth, a similar income level to yourself. And they reflect on you. This would be the case in terms of careers.

You generally spend time with people who are involved in careers that are similar to your own on some dimension. Interests, hobbies, worldviews, political affiliation or political conviction, religious affiliation or religious conviction, even to the basics of your life. One of the things that I find interesting is as my wife and I have had children, most of our friends who haven't had children basically disappear from our lives.

I still love many of them and I would like to spend more time with them, but the lifestyles just seem incompatible. They don't seem to particularly be interested in spending a ton of time with us, with we who have children, and the ways that they live their lives, the things that they do are just incompatible with our own responsibilities.

So we spend time with a lot of other people who have children. Even the number of children that a family has is probably reflective of what is relatively normal in their social circles. The average number of children for the people that I spend the most time with is about four.

Sure, there are some who have two, some who have six, some who have more, but usually it's about four. And that just kind of reflects my social group, whereas that would be a very unusual number for some people in other social groups. What's perhaps more important for the long-term success and development of our children is that the kinds of people they spend time with are going to make a significant impact on their ambitions in life, on the kinds of things that they do with their days.

If your children are spending time around a bunch of people who think that joining gangs and committing violence is a cool thing to do, then your children have a much higher likelihood of joining gangs and committing violence. If your children spend a lot of time around people who think that playing video games all night is a cool thing to do, there's a much higher likelihood that your children will also play video games most of the night.

If your children are spending time around people who think that doing well in school is a cool thing to do, there's a much higher likelihood that they will do well in school. If your children are spending time around people who think that doing well in school is an uncool thing to do, there's a much higher likelihood that your children will not do well in school.

If your children are spending time around the kinds of people who don't go to college, there's a good chance that your children won't go to college. If your children are spending time around the kind of people who know that we are the kind of people who go to college, there's a good chance that your children will go to college.

If your children are spending time around other children for whom the family culture is that you apply for Ivy League education, Ivy League schools, good chance your children will think about applying to Ivy League schools. If your children are spending time with people who think it's normal to go abroad and take a gap year, there's a good chance that your children will go abroad and take a gap year.

If you spend time with people who think it's normal to go and spend a year in missionary service following high school, there's a good chance your children will go and spend a year in missionary service following high school. The list goes on. The point is that the peers that your children are surrounded by will affect their life choices.

They will do certain things because of the peers that they are surrounded by. I guess one personal anecdote that to me is just a simple example. I was homeschooled prior to seventh grade. In homeschooling, grades are not particularly important. You don't spend a lot of time on grades. I didn't really understand the importance of grades, but generally my teachers, my mother and my grandmother who schooled me, taught me to do well and taught me to study hard as best as I could.

I didn't do well in everything when I went into a traditional conventional school, but I did fairly well. And I remember how surprised I was the first time I got back a paper that had received an A, 100%, no incorrect answers on it. And I just thought it was normal to look at the paper and set it on my desk.

And some of my fellow classmates in the school, and by the way, this was a not inexpensive private school, some of my classmates started commenting on the grade that I had gotten. And I learned almost immediately that doing well on tests is not particularly cool. And from then on, for the duration of my scholastic career, I always hid my grades whenever tests were handed back.

Now that doesn't mean that my name didn't appear on honor roll lists, etc., with some kind of public acclaim, but it wasn't cool to do very well and get a 98% on a quiz or a test when the guy next to you got a 70%. It brought in all kinds of social trouble.

And so some people would have scored fewer points. I wasn't one who did that, but I was one who learned to hide my grades. Another personal anecdote is simply college. I went to college almost exclusively because I was in the kind of social group that went to college. I had really very few other reasons.

Now, of course, there were some background reasons of, "I want to go to college and get a good job," etc. But I went to college pretty much because we're the kind of people who go to college. All my friends are going to college. Why wouldn't I go to college?

I didn't have any alternative plan. That's not necessarily a bad thing. The peer pressure to go to college, at least for people who are capable and have the cognitive ability to succeed in a college environment, is great. But it's an example of how peer pressure impacts your children. So what can you do as a parent?

Well, you can teach your children your perspective on life, your worldview, how you think about the issues that you're going to face, and that will be very impactful. But if your worldview and your perspective, your family values, are significantly different than the peers that your child is surrounded by, then your influence will be substantially diminished.

On the other hand, if you will surround your child by peers who generally reflect the kind of values that you and your family believe are important, then your influence will be more effective in the life of your children, because it's backed up by all of the people that are surrounding you.

And we know this intuitively, but it's important to identify it explicitly, because this can make a huge difference when you're making some very large financial decisions. The first decision that will make a huge impact is simply the zip code in which your house is located, the neighborhood in which you live.

When you choose to buy a house or to live in a certain neighborhood, you're not only getting a functional building to live in, you're getting a whole lifestyle that goes with that building. I've talked about this in other episodes by talking about the expenses that come with certain houses.

It's very important that you make an appropriate decision with your housing, because, for example, if you buy a house in a cheap neighborhood, then a cheap car looks pretty normal, cheap vacations seem pretty normal. And if your children are hanging out with the peers that are in your neighborhood, then they're not going to be worried about the fact that we drive a Chevrolet and not a Cadillac.

They're not going to be worried about the fact that we go camping on vacations and not to ski resorts, etc. And so that can be a blessing. It can cause you to have fewer expenses that are associated with it. On the other hand, if you purchase a house in a different kind of neighborhood, then your inexpensive Honda Civic is going to look out of place.

And now you need to upgrade to a luxury brand. Your camping vacations or fishing out by the lake is going to seem a little out of place when your neighbors and their children are consistently inviting you and your family to go on international vacations or to expensive ski resorts, etc.

Even the activities that you do, the way that the kind of clothes that you wear, everything that you do is going to be impacted by where you live. This is something that you can, you need to consciously consider and make a choice that is right for you. Make the most fully informed choice that you are capable of making.

It's not an easy choice. If you choose an inexpensive house in a low-cost neighborhood, then yes, your personal outlay of cash might be different, but perhaps your neighbors and your neighbor's children are not going to press your child to accomplish all that he's capable of. On the other hand, if you move into a tony neighborhood with wealthy people, perhaps those networks are going to be very helpful to you and to your child.

But the cost of maintaining those networks might be really significant and your personal expenses might be pretty high. I can't tell you what's right. All I can tell you is it's an important set of considerations. It's an important thing to consider. There may be ways, by the way, to navigate that environment.

So for example, I've drawn a very simple comparison between a less expensive neighborhood and a more expensive neighborhood, but life is not always like that. You might live in a city where there's much more mixing of cultures. You might live in a downtown city where people of differing cultures are much closer together.

The big challenge though in the United States is simply that's hard to do in the United States. It can be easier to do in some international contexts, but it's hard to do in the United States. Years ago I read Charles Murray's book called "Coming Apart, the State of White America from 1960 to" I can't remember what his ending date was, but basically 50 years on from 1960, probably 2010.

And one of the most dramatic trends that Murray traces in that book with overwhelming evidence is the separation of the classes in the United States of America. How we used to live in an environment where the company CEO could live very close to the low-level managers of a company.

But today that disparity, that cultural disparity is so wide that it's very unusual for people to live near people who are unlike them. I think that's a tragedy, I think it's a shame, but it is what it is. And so there's a good chance that you're going to have to choose to move near people who are like you or who reflect the kind of values that are important for you in order for your children to be surrounded by those people.

So be careful and consider it very carefully. That's your biggest decision is where do we live? Everything else is going to pale in comparison to that. Now, after the importance of where we live, we go to where do your children go to school? And here there's a very frustrating set of decisions.

On the one hand, you have government schools that you don't have to pay any extra for. And sometimes those government schools can be great. And here I'm measuring them on the scale of social, well-run socially. Not a lot of people in those schools who are unfit for school, who are poorly disciplined, etc.

Or they can be terrible. And a lot of this is driven by where you live. In many cities there will be a pocket where there's a school that is surrounded by very wealthy people, people who take good care of their children, who have their children under control and well-disciplined.

And you'll pay a massive premium to purchase a house in that neighborhood because of the access to the local government school. And it goes the other way as well. So you have a choice. What's the environment of the local government school? What's the environment of the local private school options?

Which of these environments is going to be better for my child? If you're looking at a tuition bill of $20,000 a year, $40,000 a year, I guess in some cases you can find smaller schools, right? But $10,000, $20,000, $30,000, $40,000, $50,000 a year for some of the most elite private high schools, that's an expensive, expensive bill.

It's a big investment. And yet it's one of those things that can be very impactful into the lives of your children. If you're around children whose parents are together, high rates of marriage, high rates of family stability, families who are not falling apart due to financial strain and stress, etc., makes a big difference in the way that your child looks at life versus your child being surrounded by children being raised in broken homes, low socioeconomic ability, people wondering whether they're going to get kicked out this month or not.

Huge difference in the experience of your child. As you start to get older and more career-oriented, the kinds of opportunities that your children have, the kinds of summer jobs that your children can have, the kinds of internships they may take, the kinds of volunteer opportunities they have, are going to be driven based upon who they go to school with and who their peers are.

It's a huge impact. Go to one school, you're going to get a summer job working at the local fair, dipping ice cream at the local ice cream shop. Go to another school, good chance that you can get a summer job working in the local lawyer's office, interning for the local stock brokerage.

Huge difference based upon what school your children go to. As you move into college, this is even more pronounced. I consider that one very legitimate reason to choose one school over another is the social environment and the social dynamic. I don't know how to say what it's worth. I don't think somebody should go and get a giant pile of student loan debt to go to an expensive school that's not a good fit for them just so they might meet somebody.

But on the other hand, if they meet the right people at that school, they have the right network, it can pay off massively. Simple example. I think and worry a lot about the marriage of my children. As a parent, one of my responsibilities is to help my children to marry well, assuming that in the fullness of time, the desire to marry, which I don't see why they wouldn't.

Of course, many children don't desire to marry, but I think that's largely driven by what they see in marriage. I live in a community in which marriage is the norm. Most people are married, almost no divorces, and so it just seems like the natural default option. We'll see if that continues.

But because of that, I want to make sure my children are around people who are suited for marriage. And one of the most important ways that a child is suited for marriage, is a good marriage prospect, is simply by growing up in a stable family where the child saw a healthy, successful marriage lived out before his eyes his entire lifetime.

One of the great tragedies of our day, in the wake of widespread collapse of marriages, is simply that many children are growing up without a concept of strong family unit, strong marriage environment. And that can make it very difficult for them to model healthy behaviors. Whereas, if a child has always seen healthy, loving, respectful relationships between mothers and fathers, it becomes fairly normal and straightforward to do what they have seen.

So, we want to make sure that our children are around, or as they're looking in a dating pool and considering a pool of potential mates, we want to make sure that the mates that are around them are going to reflect them. What does that mean? Well, often it means that you want your children to be in a higher socioeconomic sphere of students.

And you want your children to be in an environment where the fellow student body is going to largely reflect your child's religious, political, and general worldview perspectives. And you often are going to pay for that. I think it's probably a good investment when it works out. Wealthier people, why do I talk about wealth?

Because, ironically, one of the greatest predictors of stability of families is wealth and income. People have this, I guess we could go to Sight Murray's book, again, that book is getting old, long in the tooth, maybe it's been updated by someone else, but one of the most interesting things I learned from that years ago, when I first read it, was that you have this weird dichotomy in modern American society.

People, many people, have the idea that middle class and low class people, measured by socioeconomic scale, not by class, but middle and low income earners, middle and low wealth, people in the socioeconomic scale, are devout religious conservatives, and that they have high rates of marriage, and they have children in wedlock, etc., and that wealthy people are more likely to be secular, more likely to not be religious, of course, that's what secular means, excuse me, to be secular, to not worry so much about traditional moral values, etc.

The data indicates the exact opposite. Wealthy people generally verbalize a very loose and accepting language. They say, "Oh, anything counts, there's no need for marriage between men and women, you can do what you want, live how you want, you do you." That's the kind of language, that's what they say with their mouths, that's what they say with their institutions.

It's not how they live. They live in long-term, committed marriages, close family units. On the other hand, people in the middle and lower socioeconomic scale tend to not marry at all, huge numbers of children born out of wedlock, marriages often end in divorce, you just have chaos in families.

And so a good reliable predictor, if you want your children to marry well in the long run, which of course makes a huge difference in their overall long-term economic success, is to be around the kinds of people for whom marriage is considered normal, and there's a high pressure for them to stay married.

Similar things with religious, political affiliation, etc. If you're going to fall in love with somebody, it's kind of dumb to fall in love with somebody who's very dissimilar to you. It's a lot better if you fall in love with somebody who reflects your values. After the choice of home, after the choice of school, then we get to community events, or clubs, organizations, etc.

Because regardless of what neighborhood you live in, regardless of what school your children are a part of, there are other things that you can do. Where does your family attend church? What activities are you involved in during the week? What kinds of community organizations do you spend time in?

All of these are important. Lest you think that I'm encouraging you to spend all your money on some kind of hoity-toity lifestyle, I'm not. I believe that diversity of life experience is extremely valuable, helpful, and important. Don't just spend your time with rich people. Spend some time in the slums.

It's important. But in terms of the long-term impact of your children, on your children's lives, you want to make sure that the majority of their time, the vast majority of their time, is spent with the kinds of people who you want your children to be like. You want to make sure your children are spending their time with the kinds of people that are likely to make the choice of the life decisions that you think they should make, to reflect the values that you think that they should have.

It can be quite difficult to control one by one the people that your children spend time with. Not impossible, and I think you should do it. It can be difficult, though. But you can make certain structural decisions at the outset that are going to make it likely that the kinds of people that your child wants to spend time with are the kinds of people that you want your children to spend time with.

Before I close this show, I want to respond to one objection that many of my listeners have. And that objection is this. "Joshua, are you saying that I should be some kind of an elitist and I should separate my child from all of the bad influences? Why can't my child be a leader?

Why can't my child be the kind of person who brings other people up to his level? Because after all, my spouse and I, we're super parents, and we're going to make sure that our children are super kids. And so why can't my child be the leader? And isn't that part of our duty?

Isn't that part of our duty and responsibility? Isn't this love of neighbor to go and maybe my children are around a bunch of poor kids, but that's okay because my child can teach them how to get rich? Or maybe my child is around a bunch of gang members, but that's okay because my child can be the one who influences them away from violence.

Or my child is around a bunch of atheists, but that's okay because my child is going to tell them about Jesus." I think this is one of the stupidest things that people think. Not that it's not admirable, the motivations. Of course, we all want our children to be leaders.

Of course, we want all our children to be positive, good role models. But they're children. And we cannot and should not and must not put adult expectations onto children. For every one child who has the unique personality characteristics to buck the trend, to defy the social environment, to not fall prey to the stupidity of his peers, there's another 19 of them that have fallen under the weight of peer pressure.

It's hard enough for adults to withstand negative pressure. For crying out loud, just look at politics. Look at all your friends that you thought reflected your values. All your friends that you thought had principled positions in politics, and here they are 10 years later, and they have abandoned every one of the principles you thought they held.

These are adults, and this is politics. This isn't even personal life. You take it into a child, and it's vastly worse. Children should not and must not be expected to be leaders until they have been trained diligently for years to be leaders, until they possess the mental faculties and the maturity to consider the impact of their actions, to think, to engage in long-term thinking, to understand logical analysis, and to logically and mindfully choose the things that they believe based upon a clear analysis of the alternatives.

A 10-year-old is not in a position to do that. A 15-year-old is in the position to start to do that. A 20-year-old is in the process of doing it. But you don't send a 5 or a 10-year-old off to war because you can. You send men off to war.

Children should be raised in protected, sheltered environments. They should be raised in a place that's safe, where they can grow and mature in safety and avoid experiencing trauma, abuse, etc., all of those evil negative things that screw them up for life. No matter how hard you try to protect your children, ultimately you're going to fail.

And so they're going to face plenty of difficult situations. They're going to face bullying and discrimination and cruelty. They're going to face poverty and death and sickness and sin. They're going to face all of those things. You cannot protect them from it. But you better try. I think where I used to hear this, and by the way, I don't hear this very much anymore, there's been a real revolution in people's appreciation of how vulnerable children are.

When you see the epidemics, the contagion of ideas and thoughts, etc., that flow through children. And so I don't hear this objection much at all. But where I used to hear this is simply, it was primarily from the Christian community. There was a subset of the Christian community who would say to those of us who homeschool, etc., and say, "Well, you need to send your children out as evangelists into the secular government school system." It was nonsense then, and most people realize it's nonsense now.

Children are not evangelists. They're children. Don't send children to do what adults need to do. The adults can barely do it. Adults can barely stand the test. Don't send children to do what adults need to do. Protect and shelter your children. Make sure that they're exposed to the diversity of experience that the world offers.

If your children are wealthy, they need to know poverty. But they need to know poverty with you. They need to be exposed to poverty by going with you and spending time with people who are poor, ministering to people who are poor, giving to people who are poor. If you're from a wealthy family, and you want to go and build a school to help poor people get a good education, so that they, in the future, can become wealthy, you don't go and build a school and then enroll your child in that school.

You can't do that. You keep your children in a very high-level, high-quality schooling environment, so that you can build a school, and so that they can build a school when they're older. Celebrate the success of your village school that you've built, but don't enroll your children in it. I shouldn't need to make obvious caveats, but obviously there are times when all of these things can be broken.

I'm speaking generally. I'm trying to speak in big picture terms, just speaking generally. The point is, children need to be protected. They need to be sheltered, and you need to intentionally surround them with the influences that they are going to build them up. That should be the majority of it.

As they reach adolescence, as they develop their skills of logical analysis, that's when you start to introduce the difficulties of life, when they're capable of dealing with it. But even there, you don't do it 100% of the time. You do it 20% of the time, and you walk with your children through that.

"Oh, so-and-so doesn't believe the same things that we believe." Why not? Let's talk about that. Let's talk with so-and-so. "So-and-so, why do you believe what you believe?" "Here's why we believe what you believe." You start that process. It's 20% of the time, then it's 40% of the time, then it's 50% of the time.

And then, down the road, there'll be a time in which your child is going to make his own decisions. But even as adults, you don't ever want to put yourself in a situation where you're spending all your time with people who are engaged in behavior that you find horrific, because it will reflect on you.

As an adult, I don't spend all my time reading books that model values that I think are bad, or watching YouTube channels of people who live perverse lifestyles. I don't want those people around me. I want to be surrounded by people who are going to build me up. And I want to spend time, and I want to do my best to encourage and minister to others, help those who I'm able to help, etc.

But I cannot take the risk of spending all of my time in an environment that is immoral, in an environment that is dedicated for failure, people complaining about life instead of pursuing success and working, etc. Spending time in people who have no control over their money, who engage in poverty-based thinking instead of wealth-based thinking, and abundance thinking, people who think the future is bad and getting worse versus people who think the future is good and getting better, people who feel impotent and black-pilled against the system.

I don't want those people in my life. I want to be aware of what they think. I want to consider their arguments. I want to be aware of where they wind up. But I don't want those people in my life. So if that's the same for me as an adult, or for you, then how could we ever justify exposing our innocent, impressionable children to the wickedness of that philosophy?

I hope this rant is not too intense, but it drives me crazy, and there's so much of it. Let me give you one more example. One of the things that drives me crazy is how so many adults have infected children with a despondency and a sense of despair about the future, most notably here I'm thinking about things like global climate change.

Children, I use that word very carefully, children report themselves to be stressed and worried about climate change. That is an immoral thing to do to a child. To tell a child that your world is going to go to hell because of climate change, and there's no hope for the future.

You've got 10-year-olds, 12-year-olds, 15-year-olds, 20-year-olds, who genuinely believe that their world is going to be over in 5 years, 10 years, etc. The impact of that on an impressionable mind is horrific. It's totally immoral. You don't do that to children. It's nonsense, and it's evil. You got young people out there saying, "Well, my life's, I don't even know where I'm going to be in 2030.

Not going to get married, not going to have children, not going to pursue a career, going to go and..." It results in drug abuse and depression and all this stuff. It's horrible. And yet people are doing that to children all day, every day. It's a wicked, wicked worldview to give to a child.

Give your children a perspective of hope, of confidence, of belief in the future, belief in their ability to affect their own life, belief in their ability to affect their own future, belief in their ability to influence their community. It's a much, much better way to live and much vastly healthier for them.

Consider carefully how you can spend money on the environment, especially here the social environment of your children. And make sure that you're very satisfied with those decisions. Deal with your finances as they are. Don't go into aspirational spending and spend more money than you have. But if you need to make a choice, you need to move to an expensive house, an expensive neighborhood, you need to enroll your children into the extra tutoring that's expensive but gets them around the kind of students who are doing extra tutoring, all of these things are fine.

They're good expenditures of money. They're for a temporary time. You can save more money in the future when you've accomplished your purpose. But if you live like a miser and expose your children to influences that drag them down, destroy and poison their minds, you're going to regret it. And no amount of money spent in your children's college fund is going to be able to turn them around when he ended his life prematurely because of his sense of hopelessness and despondency about the future or because he faced bullying at school for some issue, not being cool.

The college fund matters, but it's the tip of the iceberg. It's the cherry on top. It's not the foundation of the cake of success. Thank you for listening to today's show. I want to remind you that for just one more week, I am still accepting students for the beta class of my new course called How to Retire Successfully, where I will teach you in detail everything that you need to know about retirement, to consider whether retirement is right for you, how you can get there quickly, how you can get there at a moderate pace, how to know when you've gotten there, how to use all of the creative strategies to get you there faster.

We're going to go through in detail all the technical financial planning, how to do the analysis, how to set up your income streams, how to live in retirement, how to know if you've got enough money, all of it. Registration at the moment is available for another week. I'm getting very close to the cap on students.

I think I've got 17 more registrations available. I don't want to have too many students in this beta class because it's going to be a live class and I got to have enough space for the Q&A. So I think I've got 17 slots left. I haven't checked the numbers this morning.

If you would like to join that class, there's still one week left. Go to howtoretiresuccessfully.com. Hey, Cricut customers. Max with Ads is included with your Cricut $60 unlimited plan at no additional cost. Max is the streaming platform where you can watch Scoob, Meg 2 The Trench, The Nightmare on Elm Street Collection, and so much more.

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The holidays start here at Ralph's with a variety of options to celebrate traditions old and new. Whether you're making a traditional roasted turkey or spicy turkey tacos, your go-to shrimp cocktail, or your first Cajun risotto, Ralph's has all the freshest ingredients to embrace your traditions. Ralph's. Fresh for everyone.

Choose from a great selection of digital coupons and use them up to five times in one transaction. Check our app for details. Ralphs. Fresh for everyone. (upbeat music)