I think recovery is, it's not about finding a, let's just use the word peace. It's not about finding a sense of peace that you stay in. You know, balance is not, I'm on both feet standing still. Balance is like, like this, right? And as we're taking risks in life, as we should to really build awesome lives, sometimes we're going to feel way off kilter, but with the recovery process to be able to recognize when I'm out of balance sooner or out of peace sooner and return to it quicker, recover again and again, you know, and have the tools to know, you know, what are the emotional conditions that I might be facing on every day?

And what, what, what am I made of up and who am I that might bring to that? So for instance, something I give to a lot of my clients is we call it like the emotional weather forecast. You know, when the first part of this is they've got to really know themselves.

And that's something that we see in 12 step a lot, although we hear if, if, you know, people identify their character defects, not everybody I know is familiar with 12 step, but that's one of the, but as part of identifying your defects, you're also identifying your virtues, right? Just like a balance sheet.

You want to know your liabilities and your assets. And sometimes those things are, sometimes they, they, they change. And if something that's a liability in this situation might be an asset in this situation, right? Like if uncontrolled anger and violence in my home, when my kids do something wrong and I'm not doing this, but it is, is a liability, you know, if my family's attacked, it's an asset, right?

So understanding what these defects and virtue or assets and liabilities are so that I really know myself. And, and, and that can be through a process of, of, of sharing with others. And in the 12 step, that's how they do it. We do it in therapy all of the time to kind of know who I am.

You know, actually one of, there's a line in one of the AA literature that Bill Wilson wrote and he gives a definition of humility and it goes something like this, that humility is an honest recognition of who and what we've become followed by a deep desire to become who we can be.

And it's not about like that. I'm all bad. It's just to note it, to, to, to recognize who I am. If I don't know where I'm starting, I can't know, just like finding directions. If I asked, you know, to get directions to the studio and your team started giving me directions from, uh, uh, over the Canyon, but I was, you know, South of here, they're going to give me the directions to turn left on this road and right on this.

And I'm going to, I'm not going to know how to get there. I'm not, I'm going to be disoriented. I'm going to feel lost. I got to, it starts with really knowing where I am, who, and who, and what I am. And from there, then we can start to build a life.

So one of the things I give people a lot is once they kind of understand these assets and, and, and liabilities of theirs, you know, to, to look at each day ahead and say, you know, first we start off with gratitude, you know, it kind of gives a mindset and gratitude just isn't about being thankful for things.

I really believe gratitude is meeting what is, as it is, you know, that, uh, I always, when I give people this and when I practice it myself, I try at least to be one of the things I'm grateful for to be something that I'm challenged by. And not just to say, I'm going to learn a lesson from this, but I might not know what that is, but to really express gratitude for some challenge I'm, I'm, I'm having.

So that's kind of a mindset. And then the next thing is just laying out your plans for the day and, and not like a detailed calendar, but like, you know, I'm going to wait, you know, take the kids to school, go to work, travel, you know, have a business dinner tonight.

Right. And then, so I kind of know what's happening that day. And then from there, look at what are my, what's my emotional state currently? What am I experiencing now? Especially if it's like fears, resentments, anger, guilt, shame, it could be something else. It could just be like, I'm feeling, I feel really solid today.

But when I can take the, what's going to happen today and what I'm already experiencing, I can look at what I'm doing today and think, you know, there are some character liabilities or defects that might come up. Like if I have to travel today and I've got to take three flights instead of one, I can know that if I know myself, I might say I could, I have the ability to become impatient, controlling, and, and look at my day to say, almost predict what are the emotional disturbances that can, that can happen that day.

And then coupled with the state that I'm in, if I'm already upset about something else, I've got a higher likelihood of going into these reactive patterns that I don't necessarily want to go into. And so, you know, much like going on a trip where I would look and see what the weather's going to be, you know, if it's going to be, looks like it's going to be rainy the whole time I'm there, I'm going to pack a raincoat.

Now that doesn't mean I'm not going to get wet, but once I start getting wet, I can go get my raincoat and put it on. Same thing in this, you know, the last part of it is to look for what I'm going to watch for because of my plans and my emotional state.

Now I know that I have to watch for being like maybe short or controlling. I want to watch for these character defects or liabilities. And then what do I want to strive for? I'm going to strive for being patient, tolerant, kind. Now, just because I write this down, just like the rain jacket doesn't mean I'm not going to experience these things.

But when I can look at like a day as an example, I can break it down and in a chunk where, you know, I'm not going to be shocked by I'm being impatient. And as soon as I get impatient, I can remember, oh, this is what I'm looking, this is what I want to watch out for today.

What do I need to, and I wanted to strive for being tolerant and patient. So then I can, you know, use one of the tools that I might have that I've laid out. You know, it might just be, if I'm in the airport, walk away, take a breath, you know, and, and recognize and remind myself, this is what I'm striving for today.

And in this exercise, we're putting out in front of us, what we might be experiencing based on what we know about ourselves and what we've learned about ourselves. And when we can do that, we, you know, we can start living each day a little bit better, or at least I find this with my clients that they can chunk it down and say, you know, they're not surprised by these emotional reactions.

And, and, and, you know, like I said earlier, we, we want to help people. I try to help people learn how to feel bad, you know, to, to recognize that, okay, I'm feeling disturbed. I'm in a reaction. Let me lean into it rather than run away from it. And we run away from it in different ways.

I mean, snapping at the lady at the counter or, you know, might be someone that now I just totally withdraw and don't say anything. Yeah. Numbing out is very common nowadays. Yeah. I just want to repeat these different categories. A small list of gratitudes, including perhaps some things that we're grateful that challenge us or things that we've received or whatever it happens to be a quick list of gratitudes, plan for the day, what the internal emotional weather is, like, how am I feeling?

Irritated, rested, whatever. It could be three or four things, what to watch for and what to strive for. I do think it's an extremely useful, obviously zero cost, minimal, minimal time investment protocol for lack of a better word that everyone, not just people who struggle with addiction, but everyone can benefit from because I think we, we tend to be so conscious of like what to look for, what to strive for coming out of a morning journaling or a great night's sleep.

But then, you know, it's amazing how by three, 3 p.m. somebody cuts us off in traffic or, you know, or we're being bombarded with too many things and all of a sudden we're, we're not necessarily unpeeled, but we're not our, our, our best self. Do you think there's value in sharing your list with somebody else?

Connection with others is so important, especially when I share something like this, that's vulnerable with them because it's not just about holding me accountable, but now, now I'm, I'm, I'm expressing it in a way that others see it and we can have communication with them about, you know, having them share it back with you too.

I have like 10 guys that I share this with every day, you know, and not that the way that I do things is the way that everybody should, but I ask other people that I give this to, to share it because, you know, you're, you're now expressing it and expressing something kind of brings it more into existence than if I'm just doing it myself internally.

And we've got to put these things in front of us because we will forget very quickly, you know, or you, like you said, coming out of a morning journaling or meditation session feels great. I think most people decide to make a change and then, you know, on one day, and then they don't think about it again in the way that they thought about it for months.

Like it happens every year on New Year's. They're not putting it out in front of them every day to be a reminder of what I'm going after, what's important to me. Thank you. you