Why does God withhold good things from us, his children? It's a perennial question, it's older than Psalm 73 and it comes in today from an anonymous woman who lives in Brooklyn. Pastor John, hello, I'm a 26-year-old Christian woman, been saved for 9 years and am single. I know the Bible says that no good thing does God withhold from those who walk uprightly, Psalm 84, 11, but I feel like God is withholding marriage from me.

How do I fight for joy and keep my desire for marriage in proper perspective as I wait? Well, since I wrote a whole book on how to fight for joy, even by that title, let me focus on the second part of this question, which I really think is the main thing.

How do I keep my desire for marriage as a single person who would like to be married? How do I keep my desire for marriage in proper perspective? Because that will then turn around and answer the other part. And here's my answer. Number one, the desire for marriage is in proper perspective when it is a desire for marriage for Christ's sake.

Saint Augustine prayed, "He loves thee too little, O God, who loves anything together with thee which he loves not for thy sake." He knew from the Bible that it is not wrong to desire food or drink or clothes or friend or knowledge or health or safety or marriage. It's not wrong to desire that.

And he wrestled with the question, "When do these legitimate desires become sin?" And his answer was, "When they're not for Christ's sake." And that may sound, I know the kind of person who would say, "That sounds ridiculously hyper-spiritual to me." Right. I want pizza for Christ's sake. I want a glass of water for Christ's sake.

I want sex for Christ's sake. I want a friend for Christ's sake, blah, blah, blah. So, all you hyper-spiritual people. If you think Augustine sounds hyper-spiritual because you're supposed to do everything for God's sake, you're not criticizing me or Augustine. You're criticizing God and the Bible. Because it was the inspired apostle, not Augustine, who said, "Whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus." Desire pizza in the name of the Lord Jesus.

Desire a glass of water in the name of the Lord Jesus. Desire sex in the name of the Lord Jesus. Desire marriage in the name of the Lord Jesus. Or he says it this way in 1 Corinthians 10.31, "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." So my first answer is the desire for marriage is in proper perspective when it is a desire for marriage for Christ's sake.

Number two, the desire for marriage is in proper perspective when it is a desire of faith, a desire carried and shaped and sustained by faith. The Bible says we're to walk by faith, 2 Corinthians 5.7. Live by faith, Galatians 2.20. Obey by faith, Hebrews 11.8. Which I take to include all the acts of the heart and the body, let it all be by faith, because not to is to sin, Romans 14.23.

Whatever's not from faith is sin. So desiring marriage by faith would mean let the desire be embedded in the confidence that God did not spare his own Son but gave him up for you and will, according to this rock solid logic of Romans 8.32, will give you all things with him, all things that you need to glorify him and to do his will, which is implied in the context because you might get killed in doing it.

And that's what I think Romans 8.28 means and Matthew 6.33 means and Psalm 84.11 means, the Lord God is a sun and shield, the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Faith lays hold on God's promises and believes them, which keeps all of our desires in proper perspective.

Number three, the desire for marriage is in proper perspective when the sorrow of not having it does not sour into cynicism and bitterness. I think sorrow at the loss of innocent desires is not sin, not unless the sorrow overwhelms godly joy and sours into cynicism and bitterness and drags a single person to isolation and sin rather than friendship and service.

Paul spoke of his many sorrows, Romans 9.2, 2 Corinthians 6.10. It's not wrong to sorrow, but it is wrong not to rejoice and not to live for others and to become absorbed in cynicism and bitterness and self-pity. Number four, the desire for marriage is in proper perspective when it does not diminish zeal to glorify God with the freedom of singleness.

Paul was just as vulnerable to loneliness as anyone. He said in 1 Thessalonians 3.1, "When I could bear it no longer, we were willing to be left behind alone in Athens." And we sent Timothy. You can hear in that he hated to be alone. He loved partnership. He loved friendship.

He loved people, needed people. But he wished everyone could have the freedom of singleness for ministry that he had. He knew that that wasn't God's will for everybody, but he does reveal the possibilities of singleness that he loved. Number five, I've got two more. The desire for marriage is in proper perspective when it is not intensified by unrealistic notions that marriage is the key to happiness.

In other words, it's not wrong to dream about the kinds of happiness a person may have in marriage, but don't let your desire intensify because you idealize marriage as heaven on earth. Not only is marriage not heaven on earth, it's not even heaven in heaven because it won't be there.

In the resurrection, they are neither marrying nor giving in marriage, Matthew 22, 30. So let your desire for marriage be tempered and kept in proper perspective by this. Marriage is a temporary covenant, just as full of sorrows as singleness is, and pointing to a heavenly covenant, that single and married we enjoy.

And lastly, number six, the desire for marriage will be kept in proper perspective best when you're part of a loving Bible-preaching church. That is a family that will last forever. Amen. That's a great episode. Thank you, Pastor John. And this episode is number 1303 in the archive, which means we've surpassed 1300 total episodes in the history of this little podcast.

Incredible. We're now in our seventh year, and in all of those episodes we've produced, you can search all of those episodes by title, you can read full transcripts, you can send us a question, you can do all of that at our online home at desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn. Well, speaking of brides and marriage and waiting, does Jesus celebrate polygamy in the parable of the ten virgins?

They all seem to be waiting for the groom and there's no mention of a bride. Are all ten the brides themselves? It's an interesting Bible question. Next up on Friday. We'll see you then.