John Street - God’s Design for Marriage Q&A

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Biblical Counseling Q&A Session Summary

Q1: How can I get training in true biblical counseling?

Dr. Street recommends several options:

1. Get an accredited graduate degree in biblical counseling for in-depth study.
2. Attend training sessions offered by the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
3. Look for undergraduate programs in biblical counseling at schools like Boyce College or The Master’s University.
4. Attend seminars and workshops on biblical counseling.

He emphasizes the importance of ensuring the training adheres to true biblical counseling standards, which can be verified by checking the ACBC website (biblicalcounseling.com) for their statement of faith and practice.

Q2: How do we deal with past hurts, pains, difficulties and abuse?

Dr. Street provides the following guidance:

1. Understand that we live in a sinful world where bad things happen.
2. Choose whether to let past traumas define you or allow Christ to define you.
3. Focus on doing good and not repaying evil with evil.
4. Seek peace and pursue righteousness.
5. Be prepared to explain your faith and hope to others who notice your changed behavior.

He emphasizes that while traumatic experiences are real, Christians should not let them control their lives, but instead find their identity in Christ.

Q3: At what age do you encourage children to move out of the home?

Dr. Street provides the following guidelines:

1. There’s no specific age, as individual circumstances (like disabilities) may affect this decision.
2. Children should be raised with the expectation of eventually leaving home.
3. Parents should encourage independence when children are physically and mentally capable of supporting themselves.
4. For adult children living at home, parents can implement strategies like charging rent to encourage moving out.
5. Parents should act as a safety net but not enable prolonged dependence.

Q4: What do you say to couples living together prior to marriage?

Dr. Street strongly advises against cohabitation before marriage:

1. He states that couples living together before marriage are “living openly in sin.”
2. He emphasizes that Christians should be different from worldly practices.
3. He advises couples to stop cohabiting, repent, and ask each other for forgiveness.
4. He explains that sexual relationships should only occur within a monogamous, heterosexual marriage.
5. He warns that premarital cohabitation can undermine trust and integrity in the future marriage.

Q5: What do Christian parents do when an unmarried couple want to spend the night together in their home?

Dr. Street advises:

1. Parents should not allow unmarried couples to share a room in their home.
2. They should make separate sleeping arrangements, even if it means parents sleeping separately to accommodate guests.
3. Parents shouldn’t compromise their principles to accommodate others’ ungodliness.
4. While parents can express love in other ways, they shouldn’t enable or approve of sinful behavior.
5. This applies to all unmarried couples, regardless of sexual orientation.

Q6: How do we help young men and women who are not married but want to become married?

Dr. Street references 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 and advises:

1. Teach them to choose a spouse based on holiness and honor, not primarily on physical attraction.
2. Encourage them to consider whether their relationship leads to greater holiness for both partners.
3. Help them understand the importance of honoring parents’ wisdom in choosing a spouse.
4. Prepare them for the reality that they’re marrying someone with flaws, not the idealized version they see while dating.

Q7: What role do godly parents play in encouraging their children into a godly marriage?

Dr. Street suggests:

1. Parents should teach their children what Scripture says about marriage.
2. They should guide their children in making decisions about marriage in an honorable and godly way.
3. Parents often have wisdom that younger people lack, even if the parents aren’t believers.
4. Children should pay close attention to their parents’ input about potential spouses.
5. Parents should help their children realize they’re marrying someone with flaws, not a perfect person.

Q8: Should married couples live with their in-laws?

Dr. Street provides the following guidance:

1. There’s no simple yes or no answer, as circumstances vary.
2. Living with in-laws can be necessary for caregiving or financial reasons.
3. Generally, it’s not the best arrangement for newly married couples.
4. If couples do live with in-laws, it’s crucial to maintain proper boundaries and priorities.
5. The married couple must present a unified front and prioritize their relationship over parental relationships.
6. The husband and wife should always side with each other, not their respective parents.

Q9: How do I make my husband a priority when I have a career?

Dr. Street advises:

1. It’s not wrong for a woman to have a career, but it shouldn’t dictate family priorities.
2. A woman’s primary responsibility should be to her husband, children, and home, not her career.
3. Husbands should take leadership in providing for the family financially.
4. Both spouses should work together to balance career and home responsibilities.
5. Husbands should actively help with household tasks, especially if both spouses work outside the home.

Q10: Can I have a calling at work as a woman?

Dr. Street states:

1. There is no special “calling” for women in careers in the same way as pastoral ministry.
2. Women can have successful careers and be well-accomplished professionally.
3. Careers can be used in good and godly ways, including in Christian service.
4. However, a woman’s home and husband should always be her top priority.
5. Women should ensure their career doesn’t overshadow their primary responsibilities to family and home.

Q11: What are some basic principles to apply if a Christian is married to a non-Christian?

Dr. Street provides the following guidance based on 1 Peter 3:

1. For wives with unbelieving husbands, follow 1 Peter 3:1-6 as your guide.
2. For husbands with unbelieving wives, follow 1 Peter 3:7.
3. Focus on unity with other Christians, sympathy, love, and humility.
4. Don’t repay evil with evil, but bless others instead.
5. Seek peace and pursue righteousness.
6. Be prepared to explain your faith when your spouse asks about your changed behavior.
7. View yourself as God’s missionary to your unbelieving spouse.
8. Live out your faith consistently, even in the face of difficulties.

Main Themes of the Q&A Session:

1. Biblical approach to counseling and dealing with past traumas
2. Christian perspectives on marriage, cohabitation, and family life
3. Balancing career and family responsibilities, especially for women
4. Parenting adult children and encouraging independence
5. Navigating relationships with in-laws
6. Guidance for Christians married to non-believers
7. The importance of maintaining biblical standards in a secular culture

The session emphasizes a strong commitment to biblical principles in all aspects of life, particularly in marriage and family relationships. It also stresses the importance of distinctively Christian behavior in contrast to worldly practices.